17 March 2017

What is the Vision for this Book?

I am not really looking at a Christian audience for this book, though I am a Christian, it has more of a textbook feel to me. Therefore, I am really not qualified to write it....yet. "Nourishing Traditions" written by a woman passionate about food and her research, but no degree, as far as I am aware, co-wrote the book with a MD in Nutrition. It is an excellent book that SHOULD be used as a textbook, based on the work of Weston A. Price (another Dr.). I would like to see this idea of Emotion Blocks used as a tool for those who are visual and are emotional/relational impaired and/or damaged by abuse, deployment, drug use, etc. The list goes on and on. The following is an explanation of the test that was done for my son as I observed it. I would just like to take this to a more mainstream level, I'll explain more, when it comes to this epidemic we call autism. or any other relational impairment. My son was hell on wheels...er legs for any teacher totally unaware of his condition. He didn't appear to be listening, he would act out and hit somebody, zone out, play with his hands, anything BUT pay attention in class, starting from two years of kindergarten (different here in Germany) on into his first years of school. What to do? He could not sense the teacher was getting upset, he did not catch the tone, the pressure, the "signs" as it were, nothing. This didn't surprise me at all, I lived with him. He had just learned, early, when mom talks, it's important. In fact, I had to go to his classroom and sit in the back for awhile to keep Keane on task. Turns out, just a little more stiffness was necessary for the strong willed side of him. (I love him to his toes). So here is what they did. They would post a smiley face for him to see that things were going well, and if his behavior was going downhill, the face would move down a graph into the red zone and change to a frowny face. This seems simple, almost obtuse, mean even, but it was the ONLY thing that would communicate to Keane in the way Keane needed to be communicated with. And, goodness, did he react to it. The truth is, a lot of these people HAVE NO idea that what they are doing is affecting others in a negative manner, and in some cases these poor people are just trying to survive. I want to build, with expertise, a visual tool for them to refer to.

07 March 2017

the last one

Four blocks, fifth section.
This is strangely connected to the dead line on the other side. This is a sociopath, passive in their destruction of others, because the destruction is usually centered upon themselves, i.e. addiction. On the other end (the dead line), these folks appear to be somewhat operational in public, yet are vicious and abusive to all that know them well. Over here on the passive side of this sociopath arch, they are rendered useless to society, usually end up homeless, care facilities, a burden to their family, unable to keep jobs, they hardly function. Extremely locked in by their emotional/relational break down. They are easily manipulated. Often you will see the male side and the female side of this arch forming a duo. She is extremely needy and can't see through his passive aggressive behavior that, at the onset, seems pretty lively and exciting, or maybe his aggression makes her feel safe in some weird way. Anyway it's a match made in...ends with an "L". She is NOT in any way, immune to being abusive and landing on the other side, vise versa, that is the nature of this arch way. And he, usually when he is caught find himself extremely remorseful....no change. The sad thing is that EVERYONE at some time or another has battled with this arch, and furthermore the way they treat their children or others, can influence them into becoming decided members of this menacing club. There are obviously levels and different extremes, and that is why I would like to study this more. I think sometimes we are unaware of the way we are affecting people, I hope this will be a tool to help others VISUALIZE proper relationships with others. Lots to do.

04 March 2017

Now for the Women

Pictures for this one. (We are talking about block section #4 with 3 blocks in it for the Emotion Blocks concept I am working on to help people emotionally/relationally function). As a Reminder...
Starting with...
Ladies, maybe we've seen this one before. We laugh....while the men we insist upon taking along with us on our emotional roller coasters....cry...or try to find an escape...or visit the local bar....or avoid coming home....or... People in this category are self absorbed. Somehow logic has left the building. Reflection has left the building. Moving forward in a orderly fashion has left the building. A lot of things besides our emotional drives have been sold down the river. While we, as wives (I'll be gender specific here), sometimes fret that our husbands have no earthly idea what is going on in the house (we lack the emotional capacity to stop jumping to conclusions that our kids are being neglected<---our husbands know we are thinking like this). He obviously doesn't know what is good for him, either, dag nabit, because of what so and so said last week at church. We keep all the tabs open, you see, all. the. time.....constantly reaching out our feelers...getting the input from every output source. Our m.o. is the more feelies that confirm our lives are in the same safety net that we perceive to be around us, the more we feel fulfilled and safe. 

Women here in this zone are empty. They either try to manipulate to fill the space or get their husbands to understand the unexaustible "need" (invariably changing from day to day), cut down others (gossip) to compensate, over eat, drink, withdraw, over spend, etc. Can we please look up at the emoji pic again for a moment. We are asking a fish to fly. We have added all these emotional tabs to our lives and the more we add them, the more we get frustrated he isn't hopping along with us...so that when he finally senses something might be upsetting us, he ventures to ask what might be wrong (scared out of his ever loving mind, I might add), but it only results in a blank stare back at him or a sneer. Just as he suspected. Our problem started at the first tab that we didn't nip in the bud, keep under emotional control, and if serious, address. Since we lost the emotional response to that supposedly "life changing challenge" in the first tab (i.e. your husband didn't notice the new pic Franky had drawn), we no longer know what to say. Not fair. Pic again. We are on an emotional rollercoaster and he is not. That's it. If it is more than that, is it really so hard to communicate it without hysterics? (All my fingers pointed at me.)

 Let me put it another way. Have you ever driven in a car with someone who seemingly could not tell the difference between a gas pedal and the break. Sit in that car now. Stop. Go. Stop. Go. This is what you want your husband to embrace. Ok, I'm getting sick. Stop.  

This girl is Block section 4.

Now. I was only able to say it this way cuz I. Am. A. Woman. Men, don't try to manage your wife like a 9-5. You will be sleeping at your homie's house with the, "I know what this fiasco needs...a good dose of logic." Dwell with your wife with knowledge, not logic, connect on whatever emotional level in one area (keep it simple) once a day, yes, every day, not sex.... and point her to Jesus, the direction you should already be preoccupied with.

While I am on the topic, let me see if I can help a guy out. If you go at this with just cerebral strength, you will miss the "details". Your wife is found in the details, and if you have zero idea what's closest to her heart, pray for intervention. Next time you go to a football game,  instead of watching the next play, notice the smell of the field, the color of the jerseys, the roar of the crowd, the little boy for whom this is his first game, the family, all wearing the same colors as their favorite team, the bluest sky, the hottest weather, the cold drink....now take it all away, except for "the next play". Now. Are you ready to lose that? Didn't think so.

One of my favorite stories Beth Moore tells is about the time she was lost in some hotel in the Ozarks or whatever, after dark, when the power went out. The response of her husband was not dramatic, emotional, ga ga, or ridiculous. He simply knew she would be scared (a detail he knew about her) and responded by going to find her, and then saying what he needed to say to reassure her that it wasn't the end. He knew a detail about her and he responded. No doctorate necessary.

02 March 2017

Emotional Relational Perfection

The section with two blocks in the center represents emotional/relation perfection. Basically Jesus. Bad news, you won't ever rest here for long, good news, definitely, at least for Christians, it's ready to aim at, through Him.

Always forgiving. Prepared to confront in an informed, rational manner while maintaining the dignity of the other person. Kind. Generous with resources. Always looking for ways to invest in the other's wellbeing without giving over their own soul. Ladies, your husbands don't get your identity. Normal men don't want this anyway. Avoid the four block and stay out of that kind of desperation. Jesus never relented His identity to anyone and they threatened his life and killed him for it. However, He honored His Father and obeyed unto death. He had given up his will, not his soul. One frees you the other leaves you hopeless.
Back to Perfection. This person loves unconditionally. They are committed to integrity and they seek restoration even through personal sacrifice. *le sigh*

01 March 2017

A Block Section at a Time

I guess as I go about explaining the blocks, it will, more and more become clear why a visual like this could revolutionize the healing process for those who have been abused, or are unaware of their social responsibilities, or are unable to respond due to a misunderstanding of the purpose of emotion. I saw a documentary about the Taj Mahal. In the documentary totally unrelated to the subject at hand, this man was explaining that the relationship between the Taj and his wife (for whom he had built that magnificent tomb) was rare to Indian culture. Romantic love is not a necessary part of Indian marriages, generally speaking. As a woman, this is a horrifying thought. I think, as far back as history allows though, we can see that cutting off emotion was pretty much mode of operation in male dominated cultures (all of them). I mean, who needs all that mess, when you can get things done without it?
After all, there was plenty of King David to go around, man. He married many wives, as well as his son Solomon...who married many, che chem ...and entertained many more, many. If you take a look at the numbers, there is no way they were all getting "a date a month" to reconnect and work on their relationships. I do not want to knock one of my spiritual heroes, and his story indicates that God can and will use anyone, no matter the culture norms, but it was never God's plan, according to my view, that there be more wives in the van, you know, in case the other one(s) is getting a little to emotionally weighty, and/or less lovely to look at. Who cares what she thinks, she's just a woman after all. The point being, there is not a lot of motivation for a man to keep the home fires burning, and their wife attended to, as it were, if it is not socially/culturally accepted to get a divorce (i.e. less developed countries). Boom! Make it feaux paux, nothing to worry about. Listen carefully. In some cultures she has no choice, or she risks being ostrasized, her only choice, no matter what kinda jerk she found herself with, is to stay and make the best of it. We are going to get into what a jerk she can be on the other side of this thing. Throughout history until now, culture has operated this way, and the only change has come in industrialized countries. Now, in Western culture, if women gets tired of the cold front, pretty near dead man, laying on the couch in front of his third episode of Bay Watch, ogling half dressed, far "prettier" examples of what she will never be, she can leave his rotting back end stationed where it's at, and sadly, try to find greener pastures. I hope the audience is aware, I don't believe this is the answer. So what is? So let us start from the beginning. Emotion block...1 and 2. These blocks particularly the line, are "drive" oriented. The line is deadly, because this person will use harmful means to forward his purposes or control emotional situations. Whether it is verbal, physical, sexually exploitative, neglectful, or violent. This is pretty much a common criminal, where actual victims are involved. The second block (a single block) is indicative of someone who struggles, but is vaguely aware of the emotional needs around them.They also possess a moral compass that withholds them from harming others. However these guys are a tad dense. Mostly when the bottom has flung out are they aware of some loose emotional ends, or there has been some kind of a disaster. This person is dumbstruck on the whole, when broached with emotional uprisings. In short they do not see anything coming, but they are not trying to control outcomes, necessarily, might avoid them like the plague, but they are not necessarily harmful people. This person should make more of an effort to meet emotional needs. I just watched the first part of Ragamuffin, where the film describes Rich Mullin's Dad. He was a man between these two blocks. On one hand he was functioning as someone responsive to his wife and motivated by attending needs other than his own, but his manner in dealing with Rich was a single dead line. Unable to embrace how Rich was made, and entirely motivated by fear to control him and ridicule him into being the kind of person he thought he should be. He fell back to the line as a tactic, not as a normal mode of operation.