Admittedly, I can be somewhat of an isolated person. My vision for my life was to have kids, work in a ministry.... far away from people (ask me how that works...ok, don't), and homeschool.
None of those things have worked out, except for the having kids part. I wanted five, I have two beautiful boys.
I am not pushed out of my box very easily, but the first shock came when I discovered my husband had no intention of moving from Germany back to the states, he was staying in a place where homeschooling is illegal. I might not have been in panic mode, exactly, but I was definitely relieved to discover that there was a Christian school within 2 hours (just kidding, but for real) from my house and quickly made friends with like minded isolationists. ;) Fear of the outside world, I have come to discover, is not a proper motivation for Christian schooling or homeschooling. "Greater is He that is in you." I would definitely argue, however, that it can be a better education. The same God that is over your school or church, is the same God over that scary place over there.
The hardest blow, as far as schooling was concerned, came when I petitioned a different Christian school to accept my children for the following year. The youngest one they would take on, the oldest one "had a learning disability, we won't take him." I. was. devastated.
It wasn't that I didn't know that he had difficulties, that was why I wanted him to repeat a grade at a different school. It wasn't that I had not had conversations with his teachers on the subject of comprehension. It was that he was rejected from a Christian school. My catch all. My "rock of ages".
Talk about the earth caving in. For a solid month I was searching for schools. I had to get him out of the current situation he was in. He was just sinking, present, but not there. Email lines were in a frenzy with the family, I'm hearing "there's nothing wrong with him" to "homeschool!" <---technically illegal, but feeling so absolutely hopeless over the whole situation and very tempted to break the law. (He was coming home every day telling me how dumb he was, how his brain didn't work). I had to find a place that A) wasn't a drop off zone for kids who didn't fit in the mold B) a place where he was accepted for who he was, met where he was, and believed in.
Before I tell you how God answered, I guess I need to tell you what He did in me. It wasn't pretty. I was a wreck. I wanted to dust off my feet right in front of that school and leap right on out of the whole German school system. There was no consolation. There was nothing anyone was going to be able to tell me to make me feel better, yet, that was precisely when everyone had an opinion, as if timed, amIright?
I laid on my beautiful son's bed, tears streaming down my face. In that brokenness came heart redemption. It was an opportunity to lay down more of my life. It was the opportunity to see, though I could not see at all. Rest, when there was no place to lay my head. Quite the conundrum. But it is to these conflicting places God calls us.
As a last resort I halfheartedly walked down to the tiny, one building school in our town (there is a fellow believer in my town, who had been praying we would come and be a light, incidentally.) I sat in the Principal's office wondering if I should even mention what had been said about my oldest, as she was inquiring as to why we had all of the sudden decided to come (she knew where we lived and who we were....creepyish). I gave my explanations as plainly as I could, striving to not sound like a lunatic who would drive an extra 2 hours a day, just to go to a different school, that I now wanted to remove my kids from suddenly. "I want my oldest to repeat." Those inquisitive eyes. "We were turned down from another school because they say he has a learning disability."
She inquired some more. Well, can he read? Yes. Does he know German? Yes. The inquisition turned to a subject change. "I am going to need you to fill out these papers and turn them into me soon...."
"Wait, what?....I mean, is it going to be a problem?"
In her German way, "I don't see why." Off to the subject at hand, emergency numbers, etc.
"It can't be." I thought to myself. Just like that.
What I knew then was that God had stopped the search. Stopped the driving for hours on the road. Stopped the always seeking to isolate into Christendom, and was endeavoring to stop the fear, and begin a new work in my life and my son's lives.
However, I could not very well send my oldest to another year of sitting in class but with his eyes glazed over and his mind far away, and now with little spiritual influence from his teachers. No, we aren't just going to repeat things, hopelessly. We will try to improve the situation with resources available to us. This isn't against God, this is WITH God.
I believe that while I was searching through possible homeschooling curriculum,(I am telling you, a full month of frenzy), He brought me to "GEMM". Check it out over in the links, as well. Keane has started the program with flying colors and great enthusiasm.
I also have found new enthusiasm for, not just my kids, but other kids in my church to be in the Word. We recently went camping with a small group of kids from our church, all attending public school. Right before my eyes, my kids were surrounded with their peers...going through the same thing. One is transitioning to a public school at the same time my kids are. We talked about staying in God's Word, and keeping each other accountable, you know, between the hiking and the swimming and the marshmallows. As a side, wonderful note, the oldest boy took my son, MY SON with bones like stones, and minimal swimming skills, to the deep end of the pools and OFF THE HIGH DIVE, or the one next to the highest! He was so proud of himself, he insisted I retell the story, I think so that he could actually believe he did it.
God was not asking me to stop intervening. OH no. But intervene His way, and for His kingdom. Not asking me to give up. Nope. He wanted me to give up my way. My viewpoint. My perspective for His.
btw, His is way better. srsly.
None of those things have worked out, except for the having kids part. I wanted five, I have two beautiful boys.
I am not pushed out of my box very easily, but the first shock came when I discovered my husband had no intention of moving from Germany back to the states, he was staying in a place where homeschooling is illegal. I might not have been in panic mode, exactly, but I was definitely relieved to discover that there was a Christian school within 2 hours (just kidding, but for real) from my house and quickly made friends with like minded isolationists. ;) Fear of the outside world, I have come to discover, is not a proper motivation for Christian schooling or homeschooling. "Greater is He that is in you." I would definitely argue, however, that it can be a better education. The same God that is over your school or church, is the same God over that scary place over there.
The hardest blow, as far as schooling was concerned, came when I petitioned a different Christian school to accept my children for the following year. The youngest one they would take on, the oldest one "had a learning disability, we won't take him." I. was. devastated.
It wasn't that I didn't know that he had difficulties, that was why I wanted him to repeat a grade at a different school. It wasn't that I had not had conversations with his teachers on the subject of comprehension. It was that he was rejected from a Christian school. My catch all. My "rock of ages".
Talk about the earth caving in. For a solid month I was searching for schools. I had to get him out of the current situation he was in. He was just sinking, present, but not there. Email lines were in a frenzy with the family, I'm hearing "there's nothing wrong with him" to "homeschool!" <---technically illegal, but feeling so absolutely hopeless over the whole situation and very tempted to break the law. (He was coming home every day telling me how dumb he was, how his brain didn't work). I had to find a place that A) wasn't a drop off zone for kids who didn't fit in the mold B) a place where he was accepted for who he was, met where he was, and believed in.
Before I tell you how God answered, I guess I need to tell you what He did in me. It wasn't pretty. I was a wreck. I wanted to dust off my feet right in front of that school and leap right on out of the whole German school system. There was no consolation. There was nothing anyone was going to be able to tell me to make me feel better, yet, that was precisely when everyone had an opinion, as if timed, amIright?
I laid on my beautiful son's bed, tears streaming down my face. In that brokenness came heart redemption. It was an opportunity to lay down more of my life. It was the opportunity to see, though I could not see at all. Rest, when there was no place to lay my head. Quite the conundrum. But it is to these conflicting places God calls us.
As a last resort I halfheartedly walked down to the tiny, one building school in our town (there is a fellow believer in my town, who had been praying we would come and be a light, incidentally.) I sat in the Principal's office wondering if I should even mention what had been said about my oldest, as she was inquiring as to why we had all of the sudden decided to come (she knew where we lived and who we were....creepyish). I gave my explanations as plainly as I could, striving to not sound like a lunatic who would drive an extra 2 hours a day, just to go to a different school, that I now wanted to remove my kids from suddenly. "I want my oldest to repeat." Those inquisitive eyes. "We were turned down from another school because they say he has a learning disability."
She inquired some more. Well, can he read? Yes. Does he know German? Yes. The inquisition turned to a subject change. "I am going to need you to fill out these papers and turn them into me soon...."
"Wait, what?....I mean, is it going to be a problem?"
In her German way, "I don't see why." Off to the subject at hand, emergency numbers, etc.
"It can't be." I thought to myself. Just like that.
What I knew then was that God had stopped the search. Stopped the driving for hours on the road. Stopped the always seeking to isolate into Christendom, and was endeavoring to stop the fear, and begin a new work in my life and my son's lives.
However, I could not very well send my oldest to another year of sitting in class but with his eyes glazed over and his mind far away, and now with little spiritual influence from his teachers. No, we aren't just going to repeat things, hopelessly. We will try to improve the situation with resources available to us. This isn't against God, this is WITH God.
I believe that while I was searching through possible homeschooling curriculum,(I am telling you, a full month of frenzy), He brought me to "GEMM". Check it out over in the links, as well. Keane has started the program with flying colors and great enthusiasm.
I also have found new enthusiasm for, not just my kids, but other kids in my church to be in the Word. We recently went camping with a small group of kids from our church, all attending public school. Right before my eyes, my kids were surrounded with their peers...going through the same thing. One is transitioning to a public school at the same time my kids are. We talked about staying in God's Word, and keeping each other accountable, you know, between the hiking and the swimming and the marshmallows. As a side, wonderful note, the oldest boy took my son, MY SON with bones like stones, and minimal swimming skills, to the deep end of the pools and OFF THE HIGH DIVE, or the one next to the highest! He was so proud of himself, he insisted I retell the story, I think so that he could actually believe he did it.
God was not asking me to stop intervening. OH no. But intervene His way, and for His kingdom. Not asking me to give up. Nope. He wanted me to give up my way. My viewpoint. My perspective for His.
btw, His is way better. srsly.
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