06 May 2010

New Testimony Song

....I wrote it while my husband and Pastor were ministering to a man from our church, who is in the hospital with MS. I don't know if I've ever told any of you this before.....

When I was reestablishing or getting reacquainted with the Lord (I backslid terribly in High School). I found myself unable to talk about things that were bothering me. There was so much to lay on the table that it was impossible to articulate, but I found that I could write songs. For awhile there, if a song would come to mind or "inspiration" as it were, there would always, ALWAYS be a piece of paper, napkin or whatever and something to write with, whether I was sitting on a park bench, riding in a car (even driving), whatever I was doing, God always provided that outlet I needed. Usually a song was written in one sitting. By listening to them maybe some of you are saying, "I can tell," but that doesn't really matter because that is what God was laying on my heart, or working in my heart.

This song is the same thing. I wrote it last night. I haven't been able to write in awhile, and though my relationship is "stronger" or at least, more familiar with the Lord (He really is unfathomable), and I don't always have something to write with anymore, I find that sometimes, another song just spills out.

I've been struggling a lot with my place. The place of a wife, the place of a mother, etc. I know those things are noble in my head, but my heart has issues with it more than occasionally. I find myself a sufferer of the "grass is greener" syndrome. I don't want to be in a foreign country, I don't want to cater to the whim of a 2 year old, I don't want to put on a smiling face and greet my husband gracefully when he comes home with a plate of food on the table, but with God.....yep, all things are possible, even heart change.

Do I choose the things I want to do? Write music, do anything but house work, run away to CA sun (wish it would stop raining), and drop Keane off at a sitter? Or do I submit myself to Him, knowing that whatever I'm in the position of doing, I do for His glory, and will receive a blessing as such. Help me hold on Lord. :)


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