Wild Ghese

Temple Restored

2012-01-31T18:21:00.000+01:00

For the three of you that might be interested to know what is happening with "Temple Restored" I'll give you the low down. I've de- promoted myself and the project a little bit, because I got insecure. Yep, that sums it up. No one, specifically, is to blame. Just scared.

I think about the fact that I'm 35, the limited feedback from my music posts, the fear that I'm going to neglect my babies if I give it more time, the reality of living in a foreign country I can barely move around in, disappointing people/husband, making a big ol' fat fool of myself, etc. You know, the usual.

Very limited feedback....I felt like there was some kind of conspiracy going on (don't feel bad, it's just me being consumed with accolades). Then I thought maybe there were actually people listening to it, "big" people. Yeah, my mind went that far. THAT subliminal kind of vague feedback, if you detect any, will get you no where. It's something out of Beautiful Mind. It's not feedback. It's not REAL. I've already had subliminal conversations on the blog-o-sphere. You can't prove anything and the information can be interpreted in a multitude of ways. For me it was just an emotional roller coaster.

A couple of days ago, I got off the "Temple Restored" horse, sat down on my kitchen floor and cried. It's really not fair (whaaaaa! poor me). I had pure motives for doing this project at the onset. Simple, record one more time with more instruments and hopefully send money to India. What happened to them? Where did they go? Did they get crowded out by self promotion? When did I get so self consumed (don't answer that)? Why the complication? I had told the Twitter world and Facebook...and God, I was done. "I'm out."

Guess what this stupid Bible study book is discussing right now? The one I'm suppose to be facilitating? Jonah. I'm reading it. I'm wanting to hear something else from the Lord besides obedience lessons. The Lord won't let my heart settle on NOT pursuing the completion of the project. "Don't be so reactionary, Jonah, Tarshish, really?"

So I've relented to at least pray about "Temple Restored". I have something I am specifically praying for. The one thing that will hopefully stay the same is less time on the internet and limited self promotion, more time practicing, while still being able to finger paint the alphabet with Keane (ok, maybe just "h").

This internet stuff, not to sound archaic, but it's one big mind chaser. It's LSD on a screen. No Thanks.

It's been a Good Year!

2012-01-30T10:42:00.003+01:00

Sometimes small worlds, though, they may not know it, make a big world impact. It can be overwhelming. It's been a good year.

End of Year Thank You 2011 from Compassion International on Vimeo.

The Pharisees and the Sadducees

2012-01-25T13:31:00.001+01:00

The Democrats and the Republicans.

The Contemporary and the Traditional.

The Fundamentalists and the Liberals.

Black and White.

Poor and Rich.

Then Jesus said He came to divide. My first thought is, "we need more division?"

Notice how the passage calls individuals out from their homes, their environments, their family, their security. The whole paragraph, verses 34-38 is an unnerving passage. Why? Because it speaks directly to the comfortable. Jesus is calling us out to leave everything behind.

If I really thought about what that means in every part of my life, I would get overwhelmed. It's a strange mix of desire for obedience and fear of the unknown.

Yet, I distract myself by filling this space meant to be fulfilled in eternity by following groups and aligning myself to hierarchies for safety, for comfort, for power, even. I believe, besides the spiritual church (the Spirit has to be involved here) that every entity on this earth will pass away. That great Christian school, that great political party, that awesome football team, our favorite grocery store chain, that superior genre of music...all of it will be gone. We'll be left with Christ. Shouldn't we make Him more than enough, right now?

Heaven. No one I know has been there. It's a great mystery. It's the vacation spot no one on this earth knows about. HE has prepared this place for us, we call it heaven. We don't come with any "know how," to make improvements, we just come. One day we'll be called out of this world and into it for eternity. We'll be divided from this earthly landscape...forever. Shouldn't we act like residents?

So, the vid probably sounded a little prideful, like I know EVERYTHING about shaking things up. I don't. However, I'm under the impression that anyone who draws close to this great divider, Jesus, is automatically going to shake things up, it's the natural result. So, join me.

Take a Minute

2012-01-24T21:31:00.000+01:00

"I'm sorry......are you a boy or a girl?"

The strawberry blond 4th grader with a homemade haircut sunk deeper into her chair. The substitute art teacher was asking questions and the 4th grader had raised her hand to answer.

He pointed to her, accepted a response, but then....his question ricocheted back . Of all the kids in the classroom, she was the one that was already an outcast, she was the one with the weird short haircut that she despised, she was the one who was already seeing a psychiatrist, she was the one who had no one to eat lunch with, unless she begged, she, yes, she was a SHE, (for the record). She was me.

The damage was already done as the snickers floated through the air. I tried to take another breath. I was always trying to take deep breaths (my lungs never seemed full). I felt my face get hot and the tears come to the surface. The teacher suddenly realized what he had done, though, it was way too late.

I wish someone would have said, "Hold on, take a minute."

I've found that as pain marbleizes inside our hearts, we often repeat the offenses done to us. I know I have. So, often we need to hear, "hey, take a minute."

One of the biggest anxieties in my life is raising my sons. Truly a daunting task for me. Anyone who has been around me for more than five minutes while I'm caring for my sons, realizes this. I'm overly zealous, not wanting to screw something up. I just realized, ashamedly, that you can't screw up Christ's love, so let discipline be something after that and "take a minute."

Take a minute to....

assess the real issue.

listen to even the silly things in the middle of my agenda.

reassure him of my love for him.

look him in the eyes.

show interest in what his world is about.

Take a Minute

Food

2012-01-16T13:46:00.002+01:00

My whole life.....my WHOLE life, even during financial struggle, I have never gone hungry. Never.

I met a woman in Dubai. She was working for my sister in law. She was from Africa. We talked about the kids for whom she was a nanny, we talked about God, and we talked about food.

We talked about food. We didn't talk about the price of eggs these days, or the great restaurant we just tried, we talked about need.

A heaviness set in her eyes as she was preparing various Indian dishes. Indians make simple vegetables and things you didn't know were etible, wonderful. "My people don't know that they can make this, they don't know how," she said "I want to teach them."

She doesn't work for my sister in law anymore.

Watch this.

Distracted

2012-01-15T20:36:00.000+01:00

The worlds fell apart
Or at least one,
within my reach.
But I was asleep
Someone was undone.

Cancer threw down it's
heavy hand.
A mother's pain
ransacked her
soul's span
like a derailed train.

I was wading
in the
shallow waters,
waiting,
for relief from my
too miniscule to recall
Every day rain.

She cried when she
told her story.
A long ago birth
attached to guilt
in place
of glory.

I was busy looking at
the surface.
Somehow the dim
lines of introspect,
Captured my
notice.

I shout disdain
for unjust causes,
Point out who is
to blame
for our
dire circumstances.

Yet when sleep creeps
into the side of my
head...
I feel little pain for the
desperate to live.
I'm dead.
Rather, distracted.

Your Poetry Week

2012-01-14T17:13:00.000+01:00

So, I really enjoyed the 7 in 7 (7 Songs in 7 Days) in November. I thought it was a great exercise. Let's see if I can do it, when no one else (that I know of) is doing it. I'm looking at the 9th through the 16th of February. So here's the thing.....

Valentine's Day is that week! Woo Hoot! Send me your love poems (the clean, family friendly kind). Just post it up with Google Documents and send me the link. If I choose your poem, you'll get the due accolades, I'll even post a little bio., if you want. Don't worry. I won't claim it as my own and upload it to SoundCloud, for all the world to think that it's mine.

This is a chance for you to hear what your poem might sound like as a song. Keep in mind I might have to change it around a bit, you know, especially if you don't have a repeating line or something, unless I'm going to go all out minstrel, and play on my lute. That might happen......if only I had a lute.

So....send 'em. Looking forward to it. Not sure what I'll do if you don't send in the poetry. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Sing

2011-12-29T12:35:00.000+01:00

"Sing Keane!" The barely decipherable lyrics burst out of his mouth. The song he has been singing the whole season. Many thanks to Donald Duck and the Disney Christmas special. The tune, not so exact, the words, not so precise, the meaning, completely embraced.

Today I am writing about my "word" for the new year, as a Compassion blog post. That word is "sing." For the last year, it seems, that's all I have been reading in scripture, besides Ezekiel. Sing. Every passage of Psalms that comes up in my "Bible in a Year" has been talking about that word. Sing. So, I have been. I've been trying to obey. Oh, don't think I haven't attempted to get off the saddle altogether, but I would inevitably read that word again....SING.

What is God doing? I don't know. I haven't a clue. Isn't that what faith is? Being obedient when we don't know what will become of it? Trusting that God intends to use the gifts He has given me to benefit His church? Someday, somehow, somewhere. No one I know is learning this lesson, like I am. I'm important to God. He knows me. He knows how He is going to use me and He has a better vision than I have for my future. What a great God. The least I can do is....sing.

Shopping...

2011-12-18T20:17:00.002+01:00

Who is the shopper in my family? John

Who goes in to find what they need and high tails it out? Me

Who tries on every article of clothing in their size range? John

Who can barely muster up the discipline to try on ONE thing and hopes on a wing and a prayer for the rest? Me

Who has nothing to talk about when ladies get together to talk about their shopping sprees? Me Who does have something to say? John

You knows EVERY internet site related to a prospective gift and all the best deals? John

Who poops out and rethinks the purchase when it's time to fill out all the online information? Me

So needless to say, my shopping is done, gifts are sent, all letter envelopes are licked (yeah, don't think about it, if you're a recipient). All set.

One day I sat down with Keane to pick out a Compassion gift and I prayed, because we are on a budget. I had my own understanding of my bank account, but wanted to pick what God wanted me to pick, not what I thought I could afford. So, in the true nature of the "casting lots" verse, I had Keane pick something out...."Please not a farm (that's not really an option)." He picked out something so reasonable that I purchased two of them. God is good.

I hope, even if you are at your wits end wondering how you are going to afford Christmas this year, that you'll grab your kid, set them in front of the computer and have them pick something out for someone who really needs it (I mean, check out the list, Wii isn't on there. This is stuff we take for granted). Do this in faith......don't call me if they pick a farm. God's will, that's all I have to say.

Christmas Web Letter

2011-12-12T14:47:00.000+01:00

Here's the link.

Salvation Army Line

2011-12-09T20:26:00.000+01:00

Read this today.

"Whoever closes his ear to the cry of the poor will himself call out and not be answered." Proverbs 21:13

This is My Story....

2011-12-08T22:30:00.000+01:00

I must be loved.

I want to tell a story, I think I've mentioned it before, about the time I returned to the Lord and some more events surrounding that time. I've always struggled with love, being loved, wanting love, not feeling loved, not giving love. Pretty much anything having to do with love confounds me. Kids are a game changer. For fear of damaging someone more innocent that I, relatively speaking, I find myself wanting to fix the hang up of not giving love freely. Jesus is the ultimate example of someone who gave love FREELY.

There are so many New Testament characters I can relate to, some might be surprised to know that I can relate to the demon possessed/oppressed. When I fell away from the Lord.....I fell far away. I remember kneeling one night, wanting to commit suicide, in front of the refrigerator (the side of it- I don't really know what I was doing), as if worshiping, except I was begging for mercy. Mercy from my oppressors, my tormentors. I had not returned to God, yet. I was wrapped up in drugs, and image and hardness, and bitterness, and at night these tormentors all surrounded me. They tore at my soul. They knew I wasn't theirs, but I was captive. Some would say I wasn't saved. I'm not really going to argue that. I know I was.

When I did want to return, I knew where to go, back to the One I had left. The true God, my Lord, Jesus. There I knelt with my Christian neighbors, on the floor of my room, under my idols, under my tattered image, under my vain aspirations. I didn't know, that unlike those who are released for the first time and start to grow, my return to the Lord would be a little tougher, a little harder, take a little longer. I had lessons to learn.

Demon oppression? yep. Had one "visit" our room in college (visited the Pastor over that one). I had doubt, fear, I was not sure I could be saved. After all I had gone SO far away. What kind of person experiences these dark things (more than once) in their Christian walk with the Lord? I thought that was just for the ungodly. Constantly..."I must be too bad to be loved, to be forgiven."

I was so withdrawn from the common things that everyone else seemed to swim in. I had seen the end. I had tasted death. I realized just how short and futile this life was....in a real way. The reality of all these things tormented me and made friendships awkward. I was disconnected, isolated again, alone again, unloved. One day I was barely able to take one step in front of the other....I cried out for help, to the stone hard wind. I hadn't heard anything from God, I wasn't even sure I was looking in the right places. All I heard was my racing heartbeat and my scattered thoughts that carried reproach every time I cornered them.

I was more desperate to hear of hope than I had ever been. Then I heard it from someone's lips. The words reached me, far away in my deserted place. Through the thick, damp clouds of confusion, over the unstable tides, like Jesus' confident words to the wind. The words "Our Pastor said he really has a burden for you." Those words floated through the air and set themselves lightly on my heart. Evidence that God was for me and moving for me, I realized that what my longing spirit heard was, "Sara, Jesus really does love you."

Crossroads

2011-11-29T22:43:00.001+01:00

This is painful. Not explainable. Must I write about it? Of course.

I am at a crossroads. I never thought I would be forced to choose between the road that pursued godliness and the road that pursued Christ. I thought we were always suppose to pursue both. Is pursuing godliness the same as pursuing Christ? Does it matter? Do these things really need to be thought about?

I am not of the persuasion that there is such a thing as a benign false teaching, so let us peruse both roads long enough to examine where they might lead and if there is a problem at all, or if, as the story goes, it is just semantics.

First up. Pursuing godliness. The first thing that strikes me is a lack of direction. Indeed it is a road, but it could lead anywhere without some definition. It could be left to be defined by evil taskmasters, control freaks, or misguided zealots. Let us, assuming we are Bible believers, adhere to the Bible. So, some perimeters in place, as I read the old testament I find a lot of rules. Dear me, if that is the definition of godliness, and it appears that it is, I am doomed.

Let's take a look at the new testament just because I need a break from this. It appears that not only are the commandments repeated, the heart issues must change as well. Well, who can change those? "Be ye Holy, for I am Holy." I am assuming that God means holiness from the heart, as He continually says that He sees the heart. This road is a dead end.

Crossroads again. The sign reads "Pursue Christ". Already I can tell this road is going to be different. There is a clear direction right from the start. I find peace in that. Bible in hand, I start looking for this Christ. A Creator, Designer, Judge...just in the first 11 chapters. Someone I can not stand before sinless, but seems to be willing to extend grace. I must know more.

New Testament. Jesus. Wow. Servant, healer, friend to sinners. Hey! I am one of those sinners. He said "Follow me," so I dropped my net by the sea, and I followed. All of the sudden I stood out. It seems the more time I spend with Him the more conspicuous I become. I don't have to pursue godliness, it's pursuing me as I walk beside Him. He is changing me from the inside out. We've done a lot of things the religious zealots don't approve of. I guess we don't "look" holy to them.

This Jesus, friend to sinners, friend of drunkards and thieves never once complained to me, was never unloving, never once used someone else for his gain. He broke bread with me and said,"Do this in remembrance of me." He was leaving. He would die to set me free.

I understand what these two roads mean. Pursuing the only Remedy or pursuing me. One road I could define, and take my time, choose my own standards or let them be forced upon me, my destination Christ-less. The other road, He controls, He guides, He directs. He IS Holy, in His presence, I can't be anything else.

Me, the outcast, religious drop out and more, found a place to kneel at the cross on the road that pursued Christ.

Making a Difference

2011-11-22T10:06:00.001+01:00

....that's what matters.

What matters? Money? Brand name clothing? Home decorating? The best looking garden? a good paying job? Education? Pleasure? Endless activities?

Or maybe relationships? Giving? Caring? Sharing Christ?

Someone quoted Pink Floyd lyrics this morning on FB. One of my favorite songs by Pink Floyd is called Black Book.

[Roger Waters]
I've got a little black book with my poems in.
Got a bag with a toothbrush and a comb in.
When I'm a good dog they sometimes throw me a bone in.
I got elastic bands keeping my shoes on.
Got those swollen hand blues.
I've got thirteen channels of **** on the T.V. to choose from.
I've got electric light.
And I've got second sight.
I've got amazing powers of observation.
And that is how I know
When I try to get through
On the telephone to you
There will be nobody home.
I've got the obligatory Hendrix perm.
And the inevitable pinhole burns
All down the front of my favorite satin shirt.
I've got nicotine stains on my fingers.
I've got a silver spoon on a chain.
I've got a grand piano to prop up my mortal remains.
I've got wild staring eyes.
And I've got a strong urge to fly.
But I've got nowhere to fly to.
Ooooh, Babe. When I pick up the phone
There's still nobody home.
I've got a pair of Gohills boots
And I've got fading roots.

In short. He was grappling with the fact that all he had, was stuff that did not matter.

Have you wrestled with this? Are you beaten down with the temporary? Are you able to see what is temporary? Or are you consumed?

What matters to you?

Check in to see how "what matters" is driving a few in the Philippines to impact lives.

He'll Make it Right Again

2011-11-20T20:09:00.000+01:00

When I read articles like this one, I have to have hope in justice. A perfect God's justice.

It's Finished, Now What?

2011-11-17T14:21:00.001+01:00

I'm not the most disciplined person in the world. It really is sad. I think of all that could be accomplished if I was. This past week was a great tool in my life to get me focused in one direction with a goal and purpose. Write 7 songs, in 7 days.

I started the Monday before the 1st day (Thursday the 10th), fasting. Not a full on "don't eat anything" fast. I just picked a few things I would like to see less of in my diet. I have a REAL sweet tooth, worse than anyone else in my family, so obviously, I picked sugar as one of the things to avoid this past week. I found such a blessing in seeking the Lord when I was tempted with eating a candy bar, or whatever. I called out to Him and almost immediately I would forget about it. Every time.

John asked me last night about what I learned. So I'll write down a few things. The first thing I learned is that something important has to be prepared for and thought over. "Great" things don't just happen. I had looked forward to this time and had prepared for it. Prayed over it, thought about it.

The second thing I learned was to finish the course, whether or not you are receiving any input or feedback. I did get some encouragement from family, but there were times I was thinking, "Why am I busting my butt? nobody cares." The truth is, God cared. I needed to finish what had I started, regardless of what others are doing or saying, or not doing or saying. If we spend our lives consumed with feedback we drain our relationship with God. We start replacing communion with God for communion with others. People fail, God does not.

Lastly, I learned a little about walking by faith. Honestly, I went to bed the first night with anxiety in my heart. I thought, "What if I wake up tomorrow and I can't write songs anymore." I was scared. Well, here's the newsflash, I can't write songs, not a single line. God met me every day, for seven days with songs to write.

Now that I am on that subject, I totally battled with "whether or not it is right to 'perform' in the name of Jesus." Oh man have I been up and down this road. There are so many opinions about this subject. I recently started to help lead music at our women's Bible study. I can just feel that some are offended when I get up there and sing out harmonies and really get into it. To them it's a show and it's distracting. I wish they could stand in my shoes. I wish they could realize how inadequate I feel before hand, how I don't dare do it without prayer, how that, if I don't show faithfulness to practice, I usually fail, how that when my eyes close I'm really thinking about the words, thinking about God and my heart's true desire is that the ladies would think about Him and sing to Him too.

This is the complexity of this issue, these are, to our mind the "difficult" things, when they really aren't. Too often we just choose to divide. Too often we just think we can't get along with THOSE liberals, or those conservatives. However, scripture only teaches us to separate over unrepentant sin, which would include bad doctrine (lying about who God is). I hope to strive for unity, first, separation, last. Is this a battle? Yes. Have I failed? Yes.

I hope that the songs encouraged you, built you up, strengthened you. I just wanted to let you know what was going on behind the video. The dependence on God (I have a long way to go), the stretching of my discipline muscles, and a walk of faith to see God meet me every day. He is good!

Below is one of our Christmas pics. I think, since we live so far away, we are going to do a web letter again this year. It's kind of a hassle to send Christmas cards to my mom and then on to everyone else, but if you would like a picture, a real one, just let me know.

I promise not to send one with sunglasses.

Finale

2011-11-16T15:12:00.001+01:00

Thank you for your support.

Day 6

2011-11-15T14:20:00.001+01:00

Don't say I never tried new things.....

Going Home

Day 5

2011-11-14T11:19:00.000+01:00

I didn't have to look very far for inspiration this morning. An incredible family. I love the colors.

"This is a Song of Thanks"

Day 4

2011-11-13T14:59:00.002+01:00

A Christmas Song....

Behold, He sleeps
His guardians near
Ruler over all
cries out for his mother
Under the world's gaze
when the season came
A king arrived without
His throne
And lay softly in the
hay

Allelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
He is near
Allelujah, Hallelujah
Our Savior, Jesus Christ is here.

He answered every question
Except the ones we thought we'd ask
He came for our heart's redemption
Shedding His grandeaur
for a prize
to last

Sinner leave your riches at the door
There's no need for those things here
He will leave in the same way He came
dressed in rags and clothed in shame
It's our hearts
that He came to gain

Day 3

2011-11-12T11:44:00.001+01:00

....a praise song!

Day 2

2011-11-11T10:47:00.000+01:00

Didn't know what I was going to write about this morning until I saw this. I had known about it, and I had prayed for her, but it wasn't until I saw her face that my perspective was changed.

This is for August.

Mourning

there are no words when hope ends
when the future alters at the wrong time
and the voice you'll never hear again
suddenly gets louder
and the touch you'll never feel again
suddenly gets softer
nothing is buried
under
you heart is wide open

(La la la)

how do you explain this to your memory
torn between forgetting and remembering
but in the flood of sorrow that's come over you
is Jesus
is Jesus

(La la la)

Jesus isn't losing this fight
He's overcome it.
and when death rears it's ugly head
He's won it.
Christian don't lose your hope in Love (repeat)

(La la la)

Day 1

2011-11-10T12:21:00.001+01:00

A little different than my usual. Trying new things this week (as I mention in the video). Hope you like.

This Rocks!

2011-11-06T10:37:00.000+01:00

It's awesome that I'm doing this from the iPad, not awesome that I'm most likely going to lose my typing skills.

The 7in7 challenge is coming up. No linkage, sorry. Even if I had that feature, I have no idea how to use it. Just look it up under Aaron Ivey.

Everyone who song writes needs to try it. I think it's going to be quite the challenge, but I'll try to have everything done I need to have done and just focus on that for the seven days...and laundry. Still working without a dryer.

There are a couple stipulations I'm going to add to challenge myself (not that I won't be), one "undeclared", if you know what I mean.

1. At least two worship songs.

I'm not very good at these. I'm pretty self absorbed. No "I", or "me", maybe "we".

2. Different tempos.

3. (undeclared) Different genres (country/gospel, folk, southern rock, etc.)

Typing like this is getting annoying, adios!

Halloween 2011

2011-11-03T10:52:00.002+01:00

I took Keane out for his first time trick-o-treating. He skipped the "trick" part when he knocked on the doors. Just, "Treat?" in his high pitched sincerity and expectancy.

I love seeing little kids in costume. I love their naive uncertainty, their willingness to give it a go at their parent's beckoning. Cascading princess skirts, plastic masks slipping from their appointed positions, bouncing tutus, Moms and Dads standing in back... beaming, assuming their guard position, full of love.

Zeke was saying, "Who's in charge here, I need to submit a complaint."

They were so cute. Thank you Grandma for the costumes.

There were no other kids out when we went out, which was kind of a bummer, but all the houses had candy, which was odd. A family on our block threw a party on the street. It was sort of creepy, I mean, dark stuff, scary music....not my thing, but they were fun to talk to.

Maybe some kids will dress up and join us next year.

The Brighter Side of a Birthday Bust

2011-10-28T14:05:00.001+02:00

2 people wished me a "Happy Birthday"....on my birthday. My husband was one of them, and my friend Gaby (who is a mom of a 4 year old struggling with cancer-PRAY). I was feeling pretty sorry for myself, but there is a brighter side.

Here are the flowers John got me. Beautiful, huh?

The pumpkins are carved. Can you guess who is my Tigger and who is my Pooh Bear?

Teeth. Finally got him to not scream while trying to take the flippin' photo.

The brighter side? I only had to endure my birthday one day. Life goes on.

The song above is my "version" of Shaun Groves song "Down Here", though it is a not finished/polished. It occurred to me that the song speaks for itself (I wish I had written it- not very many like that) and, after attempting to record it a dozen times, I chose to take myself less seriously. Spend my time on other things. Kind of like wallowing in self pity. Off to those other things.

BUY the album. It's worth the mo. I just recently got the USB all figured out to play the album in our car. I can't sit in front of a computer screen and listen to new stuff. I get antsy. Can you believe, when I first heard the Adele CD (21), I hated it??? It was only until I played it in the kitchen while I was cooking that I said to myself, "Self! you are crazy!" So, I don't know, maybe I have to multitask to really take in new tunes.

Looking Forward to a New Website

2011-10-25T16:26:00.002+02:00

Pumpkins Got

2011-10-24T17:23:00.001+02:00

I was pleased to find out that, though I live in Germany where they don't really celebrate "Reformation Day" like Americans celebrate Halloween, my sweet neighbors send their kids around the neighborhood (at least of couple of them do). Yeah! Nothing cuter than kiddos in costumes. Maybe we can get everyone involved next year.

Northeast Fun

2011-10-21T18:28:00.000+02:00

We went to Nürnburg or Nuremburg for you Americans. Fun Fun Fun! I don't know if any of you have been to Playmobil, but it's Disney on a budget and it's more "hands on". Perfect for Keane.

We also visited friends with some fabulous cake, apparently. Zeke ate two slices....my slices.

Keane tried this bungy jumping thing. He didn't quite get it, but we were cheering him on like he was the best out there.

Taken at the Tierpark (park with animals), while we were watching the dolphins. Keane went nuts! He was so loud (nothing new).

Keane and I on a wooden raft. I meant business, "Keane sit, and hold on!"

She's milking water out of this plastic cow.

Keane missed a photo-op.

New Song

2011-10-19T10:36:00.002+02:00

...based in Isaiah 40

"He who never grows tired, or ever gets weary, increases the strength of the weak."

WonderWoman is Gone

2011-10-18T11:10:00.002+02:00

I was driving John home from work (or maybe he was actually driving?) yesterday, after I dropped my mom off at the airport and he said, "I'm going to miss your mom."

This was not revelation to me, but I asked him, "Why?"

"She's one of us," he said "no maintenance or entertainment required, she is not in the way, and she works." HARD.

In guy speak this is flattering. I can hear a typical woman response, "What?!, you like her because she works and stays out of the way?!"

I knew what he meant. We were SO blessed by her, and the boys love her. This morning Keane wondered where she was when we sat down at the breakfast table.

Above is what I did. Below is how my mom fixed it. I had no idea those cute little evergreens were going to be trees my boys would want to climb someday.

So my mom made an actual Chinese garden, which was the goal to begin with, using SMALL plants (key ingredient here)....

...and she built the bridge.

This is only the beginning. Two weeks ago the pump that flushes the water out from our washing machine went "kaputt". So, my mom carried loads of soapy water out to our terrace four or five times, PER WASH. She did all the laundry. Things that I wore the day before, were already cleaned and dried the next day (our washer takes 1.25 hrs. and our dryer takes 2.5 hrs. per wash load).

She cleaned, vacuumed, took care of the boys, played with Keane outside (soccer, T-ball, or whatever else), sprayed weeds, washed all my windows. She made umpteen number of pulled pork enchiladas for our open house and sewed two "Reformation Day" costumes for my kids (Dino, and Albert the Alligator). I'm sure I have forgotten a million things.

My mom is amazing. She can take apart a car and put it back together again, start her own construction company if she wanted to, tile, paint, decorate, you name it. Basically, she's WonderWoman, and we'll miss her.

Brothers

2011-10-12T21:50:00.000+02:00

Not exactly smiley smiley in that last one. ;)

I'm so happy to have my boys. I can't imagine life without them. Keane is high intensity, Zeke is our little lovey. Where Keane is, there is fun. Where Zeke is, there is sure to be a smile that will warm your heart.

Will we have more? I don't know. We haven't given God a number limit. We don't think that means He'll give us 15. He'll give us just enough. I only have one ovary. I'm already limited, and God has blessed me in my need. I praise Him for it. Why take this issue out of His hands, and control it? Does that mean NO control, no, it doesn't mean that either. I trust Him. It's surrendered.

We sponsored a Compassion kid this week. Boy? Girl? We don't know. I can't wait to find out. I can't wait to communicate this whole thing to Keane and Zeke. I can't wait to write letters, pray with them about it, and watch to see what God does in ALL of our lives. We'll be brothers.....and sister?

Baby Shark

2011-10-10T15:15:00.003+02:00

"Shark, Momma!" Keane excitedly calls out as he watches his Animal app. on my iPad.

There are a few consonant sounds missing from the exclamation, but I get his excitement, nonetheless. Keane is easily incited, and excited.

I'm excited too.

One month from today, a little song writing event is going to take place all over the internet. 7 in 7. I've already told John, that THAT is what I'll be doing the week of November 10th-16th, just a heads up ;) (he was fine with it). I'll have to do my cleaning ahead of time. On the day that I have a lot to do (Thursday) it's going to be interesting.

There is some prepping to do. I don't mean songwriting (the idea is to write a complete song, start to finish in one day). I need to pray. I've roughly decided to use the first 7 books of the Bible as inspiration, since that is what I'm reading now. "Why?" you may ask. "Why not?" I may respond.

My song writing process usually goes something like this. I read a passage in the Bible, or a circumstance has caught my attention, or sometimes I'm so burdened about something, I need to write about it. (Honestly, though, sometimes the things I am most burdened about, when put to lyrics and a tune just come out funny sounding to me, they usually get tossed. For example, trafficking. I've tried to write about it....the sentiment is real, the anger is real, the injustice of the situation is real, but somehow my song doesn't end up sounding real. Maybe because I've never been there. Maybe it's something that is a burden because I need to pray about it, not write a song about it.)

Quite often, I can write a song in a day, if I have the time. My songs might sound like they've been written in a day :P (decide for yourself) . Now that I have kids and I've been able to focus on songwriting a little more, I find that it takes a little more time. When Carly came over last week, we sat down a couple of times to "write." I was really interested in her musical background, and I wanted to embolden her in her songwriting. She had an idea of what she wanted to write about, so we started with a scattergram- a list of thoughts and ideas about the subject.

Usually in a scattergram you can find a phrase or a thought that sounds good with music, maybe it's the chorus, or the first verse. Pick up your instrument and play, just play. Suddenly a phrase will fit, or a tune will come at you. Hum, and sing, and don't get frustrated that it's not all lining out right away. In fact, if you do find yourself frustrated, put it down and go do the dishes or something and try later. Always track your progress with chords or a simple recording or repetition.

Of course I had ideas about Carly's song, but it was Carly's song. When she wanted my two cents, I was pretty tongue tied. First, you can't write a song, a good one (not talking about boy band material), disconnected from it. The same thing happened recently when I tried to help someone else. If I applied myself to the meaning and leaned hard on involving myself, the input wasn't really accepted, why? It wasn't MY song, it was theirs. They didn't want honesty, they wanted affirmation, I quickly learned (not Carly), and I just couldn't embrace it, lyrics and all. So, moral of the story, don't ask someone to write a song for you, unless you've learned the art of collaboration, which means, give and take. Also, and this may sound funny, it has to be someone you respect.

I remember I was in a temporary band before my senior year of high school. All a part of an expo thing. They set you up with a band after an audition and then there was a competition at the end of the summer, etc. What a joke! Let me paint a picture. Primus, Metallica, Rosanne Cash, mad skills pianist, and Thumper (that's what I'll call the drummer- she tried). The electric guitarist insisted on power chords and implementing the two notes he could play as a solo into a song that HAD to resemble Metallica's (of course). The bassist, you guessed it, Primus (I don't need to say more). I have a low voice, that doesn't resemble Jimmy's or Les's. I preferred blues, or folk, or country, even, just couldn't do the metal or the monotone half rap stuff. All that to say. The one song I could sing in the set of three and had some sort of melody, was the one the audience received (I'm just saying).

Anywho....think about it, are you going to accept the input of someone you don't think is spiritually mature? or has musical tastes that you can't get your mind around? or is even, in your mind, a little strange? No. It's not going to happen. Songs are an extension of us, we have to fully trust and respect the person we are song writing with. There have been a couple of people I've worked with, that it worked.

Keep at it. It's your passion isn't it? The gift God has given you (make sure of this). I recently went to a Paul Baloche seminar where he talked about songwriting. He was such a blessing because he affirmed everything I haphazardly figured out over the years about song writing. Grant it, there are leaps and bounds between us. He is famous, I am not. However, people have been blessed in my little sphere. It doesn't matter how big it is. It matters how big God is made out to be.

Indoctrination and Camping

2011-10-09T13:58:00.000+02:00

So, Keane has joined Awana Bible Club. So far, it has been interesting. He is practicing his skills like, keeping his hands to himself, listening to instruction, and sticking to his task. We have decided that, since he is young (3), I probably shouldn't leave him. So, I guess Mama is joining Awana as well.

So, you're of the persuasion that I'm indoctrinating my child? This sentiment makes me laugh. Indoctrination is EVERYWHERE. Commercials, anyone? News media? (choke/hack) Music? (Just read a few John Lennon quotes about the "movement" he was forwarding).

Hmmmm, let's see. Schools, wow, how "far" they've come! At least in the States they started as "religious" institutions to learn to read the....Bible. Now, there is no praying, and no Bibles, in the name of "freedom", but you and I know that a glass is always full, either with air (hot air) or liquid.

So, what has replaced the Bible? Exploration of all kinds of other religions doesn't seem to be a problem and the purporting of evolution as fact (another religion), when there is no evidence of one kind of thing changing into another kind of thing....anywhere. Not to mention all of the universal laws it contradicts. Law of degeneration?

So, don't talk to me about indoctrination. Don't indoctrinate me.

On another note, a more positive one. I am astounded at the blessing Jesus has given to this world through his followers. Mohan is one of them. He recently sent us an e-mail updating us on his plans for Love Home.

...We are all keeping well and having a lot of fun growing together as a family. We have been reading through the book of Nehemiah – this has been a source of much conversation and stories at meal and bed times. We are constantly reminded how much we need God to 'stand in the gap' on our behalf. And our biggest need, just like Nehemiah, is finding the people with a similar vision and who would join us in ‘rebuilding the walls at Charmadi'. The task before us is so huge that we will surely fail, if we depend on our own strength.

Weare now in the ‘active’ planning phase with adventure camping. Atown planner is helping us prepare a master plan – Jan 2011 shouldsee us get started with work on the camp site! We are seeking youngbachelors and couples who have a love for children to join us - couldwe request you to pass the word around among your friends and anyother churches/groups where you think there would be peopleinterested to get to the mission field? If you know of anymission agencies that are India focused, would you kindly send ustheir contact details? Are there any Sports adventure ministrygroups that you know of we could get in touch with – people with asimilar vision?Your ideas, suggestions and advice – evendisagreements! - would be most welcome :))Looking forward tohearing from you.........and thanking God once again for yourpartnership with us in this work.

Joyfuland content, in Him,

Mohanand Janice

So, I am grateful for those out there that are following Christ and taking care of orphans. If you find yourself on the other side of the fence criticizing faith, and those that follow Christ. Take a hard look at the evidence of Christ (self sacrificing service) in the world, and consider where those in need would be without God's work on this earth. If that's the result of indoctrination.....so be it.

Bursting at the Seems

2011-10-01T13:49:00.001+02:00

I met a friend this past week (the featured photographer). How can I just meet someone and call them a friend? Because it didn't take any time at all before a friendship was confirmed.

We both have a mutual friend. This friend wrote me and told me that Carly (that's her name) needed a place to stay. I've been learning a few things about hospitality and one of those things is that convenience isn't a part of it. So, though my mom was coming, and we were going to try to get going on some yard work (finish it), and a dinner party was in the mix, hospitality for someone in need that I have never met, was a privilege, and my calling.

So, our family met Carly. An artist, a pianist, a teacher, a student who just received her Masters to teach English, and apparently, a world traveler. Keane showed her how he can order our days with his three year old directives, and she showed him patience and insight into his Type A personality.

Zeke showed her his widest smiles and deepest laughs, and a note of exasperation after Mama and the gall to change his diaper and outfit in one go. She showed him her interest in his every venture to widen his relationship to the world around him.

She was more of a blessing to have around than she ever was a burden. We talked about everything from Adele, to health, writing songs to writing resumes. Which brings up the subject of hiring her to teach English. She has yet to find a job. Comment if you know of anything in Europe. We would love to keep her around. She has such a sweet spirit and she loves the Lord.

So, what SEEMS like an inconvenience, might just leaving you "bursting" with blessing.

Check List

2011-09-24T12:18:00.002+02:00

My mom arrived yesterday. It's been long awaited. I even called her "mommy" in anticipation, probably freaking out my guest, Carly.

Every time my mom comes, she has a checklist:

1) clothes (they aren't cheap over here)
2) hot sauce (the hot sauce here tastes like ketchup)
3) chocolate chips
4) toys

....and whatever else she can shove in her baggage. This time she brought packages of AA batteries and Reese's Peanut Butter cups. Batteries? ok Reese's? Uh, yeah!

I like lists. Ta-Do lists, grocery lists (that I never remember or look at), to buy (furniture) lists, song lists (Temple Restored), on and on.

One important list, that I usually keep in my mind, is the daily list. It includes me, but more importantly, my kids.

1)Devotions- check
2) Teeth brushed- check
3) Clean underwear/ diaper- check
4) Warm clothes-
5) Breakfast-
6) Lunch-
7) Dinner-
8) Fluids-
9) Sing Jesus Loves Me- check
10) Read Stories- check
11) Evening prayers- check

If those things are at least checked off the broader list, I can go to sleep at night easy. However, it occurred to me the other day some mamas can't check some of those things off their list.

Compassion.

I'm going to a Compassion meeting at Calvary Church in Heidelberg tomorrow night, if anyone wants to join me.

101) Birthday gift for Julian- check

Charmadi Camp

2011-09-19T11:36:00.001+02:00

We've been trying to keep in better contact with Mohan and Janice, the missionaries in India that we support. The missionaries that are the focus of The Temple Restored Project. The other week John got to talk to Mohan for awhile, but I was sick.

He has sent a list of needs for the camp that is a part of the orphanage along with the need for a couple to join them. If you want to give financially, write to me at varghese2go@googlemail.com.

Tents for multiple persons.
Climbing gear, harnesses etc.
Backpacks
Clothing/boots for outdoor.

Tye Dyed

2011-09-18T18:26:00.001+02:00

I'm sorry for the blogging hiatus. It was unintentional, really. I'm the kind of person that gets pretty discouraged with set backs and as it turns out my camera has decided not to share it's photos with the Mac. So....all my aspirations of sharing what's been going on textually and VISUALLY have been thwarted.

...all but the Tye Dye day.

Do you ever feel like you've been waiting for something for so long that it seems impossible to wait any longer?

Then the grace of God carries you a little more, and then a little more, and suddenly you look back and discover how much He has blessed you and CHANGED you in the waiting process.

(We are always telling Keane to "wait" and "trust." It's time I learned.)

What does that have to do with Tye Dye? A LOT. Do you know how to tye dye?

Well, imagine you're a solid colored t-shirt in the hands of our creative and colorful God. Most of us are pretty satisfied with who we are, aren't we?

....But God sees our potential.

So he dips us in salt water, a little shocking maybe, but this preps us for the color that will be added, it makes it stick. Like a tough circumstance that reveals us and shows us our need for change, so when the much needed change happens, it sticks.

Then He twists and turns us. He refines us. He binds us. He doesn't use rubber bands, He uses Himself. He is in our lives. He is involved. Like a rubber band holds a shirt in place with the purpose of a new design. He IS our mold for our new design.

Then we get dunked in truth, His living Word. I'm talking submerged. No sprinkling, dudes. Full on. Sealed, changed, alive, anew....and we will never be the color we were....again.

The end.

Politicians

2011-09-08T17:39:00.000+02:00

Don't stop.
Try not to think.
You can believe what I'm saying.
Release.
Does it scare you?
That I ask so much?
It's only a single vote,
Though it might very well mean
The end of hope.
(No Joke.)

Anywho,
I'm waiting.
What I'm saying is not
ALWAYS
What you're hearing.
And where the discrepancies
Exsist
I'm swaying.

You say you want freedom.
Ok...if I can swing it.
You say you'd like a job...
Now just what are you
Going to do with it?
You know you don't have to
be so greedy.
Look at me!
I'm the picture of needy.

Now all it takes
Is a check in the box...
And I'll minimize all
Your priorities under the
Smoke screen
Of a just cause.
Oh, did I say that out loud.
Well, forget about it.
Just vote for me
I'm waiting now.

Is Donald Duck running? 'Cause I'll vote for him.

On a Clear Day

2011-09-07T11:19:00.001+02:00

I've never told anyone this story, because I don't want it to be taken the wrong way. I'm guessing, though, it might encourage some of you.

A couple of years ago I got into a "debate" on Facebook. Since, then I've learned to be selective. For those that avoid that stuff altogether, there are unbelievers out there that need to be answered ("be ready with an answer for the hope..."). There are some that need to be ignored (scorners) and prayed for (God might change your mind though). The web gives us great opportunities to glorify God in our everyday, web surfing, lives.

Anywho, this guy's name....we'll call him "Max," was an "Atheist" (learned my lesson about the spelling of that). Still is, for all I know. Atheism is no more than a belief system, faith based. They DO NOT have science to back them up. Like all good things, science has been corrupted and used to forward a number of agendas, including Atheism. In speaking of evolution, because that is what immediately comes to everyone's mind, Darwin (the originator) now, would have disbelieved his own theory, because of what he specified as missing components, that are, to date, still missing. It's best to be confident in this.

In all good debates, logical arguments surface on the proverbial table. This is where a lot of Christians get overwhelmed. Remember, you have the TRUTH. Atheists have sat around and worked on their theory. Christians accept by faith Christ's work, and usually float along in their happy, Christ filled, peace giving life, as God works on them. Not true with the a fore mentioned. They suppress the truth that they knew to be true at the beginning of their lives. What do they suppress it with? Untruth, sin, transferring of worship (Romans 1). Have you ever been caught doing something that you tried to come up with a lie for? Same thing. It needs to be concocted. Let me tell you, it's rehearsed like a Shakespeare play. Why do they do this? They HATE God. He represents an "end to freedom", or what they perceive "freedom" to be. If they only knew...

Back to "Max". We ran the whole gamete, Christian violence (Holy Wars), evolutionists like Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, micro-evolution, macro, law of degeneration. Until that sunny morning...

We had been discussing Sam Harris' book "End of Faith." Max finally relented and in not so many words, admitted he had a belief system. "Why don't you just accept what I believe?" he said. I accept that you, too, believe, I thought. He wanted me to read the book, as long he read one that I recommended. Fair. Finally he told me, Sam Harris as his example, that if I told him the number in his head, he would believe.

I sat on my couch. I had been praying for Max the whole time, almost through every single sentence that I wrote. Knowing that there were no convincing arguments I could come up with. All the work needed to be done by the Holy Spirit. I read my Bible.

I had been reading a yearly Bible, so I opened it up and read where I left off, wondering just how God was going to speak to me in some random book. Number after number came up about this tribe and that tribe and the number of sheep in this field or that town. I'm pretty quick mind you, but it eventually dawned on me, "God knows the number."

"But Lord, I don't."

My answer? "Ask him (Sara), if he really wants to know."

As I typed it, I thought about what a game changer this was. No more smoke screens, no more lies, no more sin, no more denial, pride, arrogance, etc. Max was being called to the table of repentance if he accepted the challenge. Well, he didn't make it to the table. He never wrote back.

I still don't know what the number was.

God did.

Spiderman

2011-08-29T11:55:00.000+02:00

Had a great time with the Santimaws this past weekend (friends I met through John). Fellowship, food, and conversation is always good, when it surrounds the Lord. Keane finished off the weekend, which officially ended this morning as we watched them drive away (sort of), with this rendition of his favorite song (lately).

Hey Grandpa!

2011-08-25T20:51:00.000+02:00

Come on out! And maybe we can go to October Fest together. You bring your stein, I'll bring my blankies and a sippy cup.

Forgiven

2011-08-21T16:40:00.001+02:00

I was tempted,
I fell.
He threw me out,
but he also followed.
I cursed his name,
I said, "Never."
Just to prove it,
I bedded with others.
I humiliated him,
I wanted to.
I suppressed the truth,
His love stayed true.
I raised my hand
Against his friends and family.
If I was going down,
they were coming with me.
I bathed myself in blood,
Hated them without cause.
More,
I denied him,
Farther away I walked.
There is nothing
I haven't done against him.
When there was a nail
to be hammered,
I nailed it.
When the scourging took place
I raised my hand to jeer,
When the thorns were
Smashed on His head
I was there.
What I wasn't expecting
from the One I scorned,
was a rescue,
Was a flood of grace
Out poured.
My darkened estate
Restored.
NOW, He calls me His bride,
I call Him, "My Lord."

The Risk

2011-08-18T23:54:00.000+02:00

He tapped on the window of the passenger side of the van. The kids were strapped in. I had an organic ice cream cone in one hand, and ginger beer in the other. I caught my breath. "What does he want???"

Keane was already belting out a chorus of "hi"s and "hello"s. I tried to search out his motive, spot a weapon, SOMETHING. Then he held up his cardboard sign (we know how dangerous those are), and talked to me in a raised voice through the glass, not in German or in English. He wanted something from me....

"Is he going to hurt me?" "Hurt my kids?"

Don't think I wasn't tempted to tell him "no!" and "buzz off". I definitely didn't respond with all of the warmth in the world. I immediately defaulted into protection mode. Isn't that what we do? Isn't that how we respond when something is asked of us out of the ordinary?

The rich man, for example? He protected himself with his sense of security, and walked away from the Lord. He wasn't expecting that God would ask him to do that. I'm thinking he regrets that decision right now. Epic FAIL.

I shutter when I think about the money wasted on organic ice cream and a specialty drink. I had to empty out my change for this poor man who somehow found himself begging in a foreign country. I had just spent close to 5 Euro. It would have been perfect.

I think I need to take a hard look at my spending. Does it mean more used items, more IKEA furniture and not top quality (even the sale prices are ridiculous), less credit? Do I really need to protect my life as I know it? What is it that I'm missing out on protecting myself? I shudder to think.

Answers

2011-08-16T21:14:00.002+02:00

Today Keane awoke with red welts all over his body. I had flash backs of Lyme's Disease, but Keane was his normal self (for the record, that was NOT how I was). So, after hide and seek counting all over Keane's arms and legs, we decided we had better take him to the Dr., just in case. If you nip Lyme's in the bud, you can lick it with antibiotics.

So, our normal Dr. was out of town for a 3 week vacation...figures. We had to resort to going to the Kinderklinik....again. I'm surprised they didn't laugh when I got there. Maybe because all of those people that would have recognized my sorry face work the graveyard shift.

Keane did much better complying with the strip and seizure portion of the visit in the daylight hours than he did in the middle of the night. Keane got weighed, his height measured, his head measured, his ears checked and all of those fun things without a fuss. I even prepped him with the possibility of getting blood drawn and not a tear surfaced.

Pretty much wherever I go I usually find someone to pray for. Today was no exception. That's what happens when you don't know the language well enough to start a conversation with the person next to you. I talk to God, I know He speaks English.

This morning a little girl came into the Klinik, in a wheel chair....crying. Not the kind of dramatic tears kids are great at, nor was it whining (ughhh), she was really crying. My guess was that she was scared, but it wasn't hysterical, it was genuine. I wondered how much she had been through already, my heart broke a little.

She couldn't stop. With sobs and gasps for breaths she pulled her little wheel chair up to her seated mom, parked, moved her legs with her little hands, unclasped her belt, and lifted her arms for comfort. Her mom picked her up in what seemed to be routine, but gently pressed her head to hers. I prayed, "Lord, please comfort her," with my own tears on the verge of spilling.

After Keane's bug bite diagnosis (lots of them), we went out to the foyer to check out the miniature train they have set up in a glass case (that was his treat). For an arm and just one leg, you can watch the electric wonder scoot around on it's tracks in it's little miniature town. Keane was enthralled and we were about to scoot ourselves when she wheeled up.

I was overjoyed to see her smile. It's usually at these junctures I find myself in my own private glass case. I patted her head and asked her "are you ok?" She didn't understand me, but her excitement at the train told me all that I needed to know. I thanked God that He let me see my answer to prayer.

Here are some other prayers being answered.

A Far Away Trip and Baby Steps

2011-08-14T16:46:00.002+02:00

I took Keane to Belgium to go to VBS. Yes, almost a 6 hour drive. There were a couple of reasons I did this. One, I was tired of sitting around this place; two, it was an American VBS that I didn't have to get "signed" into on base; and three, we would be with our good friends with a son his age. So, I anticipated a great week for him, and I wasn't disappointed....although he DID have some issues.

When you get 2 three year old boys together there is going to be an issue or two. It got to the point that their teachers had to keep them separated to make peace in the VBS classroom. Oh dear. Keane has met a new phase, or rather, it has met him on the broad side. "You are responsible for YOU, son."

He didn't completely get it, of course. In fact, most, if not all of us still let our circumstances define us, and manipulate us. We come up with the best excuses don't we? At least kids are honest. I learned a few things about parenting and I believe, it is me that actually does most of the learning in these scenarios. This circumstance is not unique. He will face a brawl or two in his life (mainly with his sibling(s)) and, finally, I have to be willing to be a discipler/friend.

Without going into detail, what foresight teaches me about facing future issues relative to the one he faced this past week, is that though his bad responses or aggressions HAVE to be addressed because it is sin (Prov. 29:15, Prov. 19:18). I don't have to expect he gets it ALL together in one go. He is learning. Secondly, I learned the value of being a friend to my child when he is tempted, instead of standing far away with my arms folded and a nice glare on my face in anticipation of a fall. Because he is learning, I show him that I'm his biggest cheer leader. He has a decision to make regarding sin and someday a decision ultimately to come to Christ (at least I'm praying the Lord gets him). He can do it (by God's grace)!

There was a much better response when I assured Keane he could withstand temptation, sat beside him, showed him his capability to discern the wrong turn. Was it all downhill from there? Absolutely not. However, that's a terrible excuse to quit. He's too precious. Just look at the videos!

A Friend to You

2011-08-11T15:00:00.001+02:00

I want to be your friend, Jesus.
Though I already call you Lord.
I want to come to You first,
As I quickly as I would pick up the phone.

I want to be your friend, Jesus,
Curious to know your plan,
Look for your status update,
Your Tweet is my command.

I want to be your friend, Jesus,
To engage my heart to Your song,
Let me "Share" what I learned,
Help me sing along.

Withdraw me from the temporary
Set heaven as my filter,
Type Your Name across my heart,
Neither ashamed hereafter.

Diagnosis: Imperfect

2011-08-06T16:35:00.000+02:00

Keane's attempt at photography above.

Love it when he puts his "binky" in upside down.

I didn't know I had a disorder. Another term for this is pride, which I knew I had. The video was interesting to me. The avoiding close relationships, seclusion, lack of achievement....all familiar to me. I know these things started with pain, rejection, embarrassment not dealt with in a Biblical way.

My last year in Junior High (we were all so secure then weren't we?) before graduation the whole of the school, it seemed, went to the gym to watch a slide show. Yes! As the slide show was progressing, everyone was cheering, laughing, talking. I was caught between the feeling of not wanting to be in the slide show, and the feeling of wanting to be included. Then it happened, a picture of just me, an awful picture (not so photogenic at 13)....the whole gym was silent. I died. I was sitting by myself, hot, embarrassed, wanting to crawl under the bleachers and not come out until I was sure everyone had gone home (midnight or so). I had one friend who cheered from the other side of the room- bless her. However, this is cake compared to what I've been through. The rest of my life, sadly, has reflected it.

Some people are just free, you know? They come to Christ and they run (Paul). Some have to work this stuff out (the rest of the world). How many relationships have I destroyed with simple pride/insecurity? Yikes. It wasn't until I moved here (Germany) that I started really valuing friendships. I know, what? REally? Now, I desperately want friends, but I'm still wading in the waters of how to be one. I don't talk on the phone, unless it's an hysterical emergency call (not cool). I don't know what to talk about- easily frustrated with small talk, and committing to a friendship is like someone telling me to jump off the edge of the Grand Canyon with promises of survival. For women, this is hard to understand, I'm sure. I ALWAYS have a back door. "I don't NEED anyone."

John found out the hard way how hard my heart can be. We had our first fight, one fight, and I disconnected. I felt rejected entirely, I was done. He was like, "sheesh, what's wrong with you?" We are the opposite. I leave the room when confrontation happens....on the T.V. (I'm not kidding). He confronts anyone and everyone about everything (not always well received). He likes to talk, and if something is in the water, we don't drink it, we fish it out. Annoying for someone who keeps it all in and sits on it, drinks it, or dismisses it, but never acknowledges the need to work it out because of attachment.

If there is one thing John would like to change about me, this is it. He would like me to have more friends, even talk to his friends. I don't NOT talk to them, I just don't connect- sorry guys. It's terrible. God is showing me how important this is and I'm sure He brought me here to change it.

Temples

2011-08-02T20:10:00.001+02:00

Finally a tune. sort of.

His Eyes

2011-08-01T21:50:00.000+02:00

I can't wait to sponsor a kid. Right now, with the excess money coming from the government, I've decided that for now I'll just give to a general fund, but the plan is to sponsor a child for both of my boys (and myself) which means two, Lord willing, pretty sure He is.

Tonight I looked at a picture of a boy, who was 16, and needed a sponsor on the Compassion website. He was from India, one of my favorite places. I couldn't help notice the uncertainty in his eyes.

His eyes shrink back as his slim form remains still.

Does he wonder if this is a joke?

Maybe he holds himself back

from setting up his hope.

I wonder if this is his last resort, a clinched straw

In his fist?

The idea of good news from afar

too good, but might be missed.

It's true the number is high,

the notches on his belt.

He's not as tender in years

Not as small to cuddle,

Is this what he fears?

Ah, but he IS so small,

AND so vulnerable.

Waiting on the line for the good

mercies of others.

Behold! the strength it takes to

stand there, absorbing the

camera flashes,

the eyes of the web,

and....the looking past him.

That's why his slim form remains still,

but his soul shrinks back.

I'm praying for you young man.

The Ridiculous Line

2011-07-30T08:54:00.000+02:00

Last night John and I got home from our Indian (because most of the people are from India and I like India) Bible study. Culturally, Indians are the easiest friends to make, in my experience. We were at Sherri and Eppie's house. Sherri's parents came for a visit. I don't remember saying five words to either of them the whole time, but there is a warmth that can't be denied. The kind of warmth that would cause her parents to stand at the door and watch us drive away with our rascals to make sure we were sent off in the proper way. I love that.

So, (I don't think I'm suppose to start a paragraph with that word) John and I were sitting on the couch after the kids were in bed, even Keane was done calling out to us. We were watching a program on T.v., definitely the kind that you stumble upon at 11:00 pm. It was about African Americans in N.Y. buried in obscure places because it wasn't socially accepted to....well, ACCEPT them. It got me thinking and I said to John, "You know, back then, it would have been socially 'wrong' for us to get married?" He just nodded his head. "That ridiculous!" I shouted the kind of 11 pm shout, hoping to alleviate the pain in his eyes. He forced a smile at my meager efforts. I often wonder what goes through his mind when this topic comes up and then I stop myself. Too painful to take on.

Now, Americans are not the deepest people. We are actually known for our shallowness. For example "How's it going?" Sound familiar? Yeah, we don't care how it is really going, we say that as a form of "hello", and if someone actually responds, it kind of catches us off guard. Word of advise, say "hello" in another country if you don't want an answer and for pity's sake, do not say (I fall into this trap often) "Let's meet up!" and never follow through. Just a little FYI. I never would have learned even this simple thing, if it hadn't been for John. The list goes on and on. Marrying him has so broadened my world that I wouldn't want to attempt to describe it for fear I would minimize it. Yet, when I think that at one time it was culturally not acceptable to marry him because of the color of his skin I'm either really angry or deeply saddened- it's an unfamiliar emotion.

There are two good reasons for believers to be against this sort of bigotry, Adam and Eve. Do the math. We ALL call them Mom and Dad, but that's not what this post is about. We can KNOW something to be true, and not know it in our hearts. We still look with our eyes but we often don't see. I'm hoping that the unseen orphans in India can somehow benefit from the Temple Restored project. Maybe beautifully dark, brothers and sisters can be treated like God's children should be treated. Not obscure, fully human created in God's image, not hidden any longer behind ridiculous lines.

You can pray or support financially. One way is to purchase Wait On Him.

Things My Sons Have Taught Me

2011-07-29T10:54:00.002+02:00

Keane is the driver in the family. There is not a moment that he doesn't have an agenda, from the minute he wakes, until his eyes close for the night. He even calls out from his room after we have put him to bed to "check up on us," with "Mama? Daddy?". He is full of life, sees everything through his potentiality glasses, and has a relentless love of people....even when they are disappointing.

I don't know how many times his loud, high voice has called out "hi!" without a single response, or how many times he has shown his latest toy to older kids "look, see?" only to receive blank stares, but so far, that hasn't stopped him. Everyday is a new day, every person is a potential friend. I wish I was more like that.

With just his personality, Keane has called me out of my hermit cage, caused me to drop my guard and care less about what others might be thinking as we point to airplanes and wave, or run around the cul-de-sac pretending to play foot ball. I've even started to wave at people and say "hi" to people I normally would not have. Neighbors tell me that I should send him to school so that other kids can teach him how to act (he's a little "out of the box" around here), but I say, "Thank you, Jesus, for Keane." I'll keep him.

Ezekiel John is someone I'm still getting to know, however, I do know he loves his older brother, takes him for who he is, absorbs his every movement, loves to laugh with him and visa versa. Zeke has a great laugh and a great smile to go with it. In fact, he wants to laugh. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes the cares of the world have overtaken me, and I look back without being able to remember the last time I laughed. Zeke reminds me that all I have to do is do it, and it's even better to make someone else laugh with me. With his eyes and attentive heart and mind, he says to me "Laugh Mama, make me laugh too." God was not kidding when he said, "Children are a blessing."

The Poor, the Needy is who Exactly?

2011-07-25T12:08:00.001+02:00

I follow Shaun Grove's blog religiously. Yeah, sort of freaky. I liked his music, I would have called myself a fan, but now I'm a big fan.....however, it doesn't have a lot to do with the music anymore, it has more to do with his testimony. Music is still good, relevant, meaningful, but somehow...and let me just put it on the table.

Have any of you ever looked at a CD cover and looked at a "Christian Band" frowning back at you (where's Jesus?) and knew for certain everything they were wearing was over $100. Yeah, well, that's not "keepin' it real." For me, anyway. Shaun, from my humble, quite distant perspective, seems to be a different sort of guy. All that to say, I hope you'll support him, for more than just the music, though, it is DEFINITELY a bonus.

I watched his video and I was inspired to write the lyrics, however, the following video is the show stopper. Maybe I'm just the Mama, but I could swear that baby sings on key sometimes. He's a genius....most likely.

He sleeps on the city street
Says "good night" to the street lamp
Shivers under complacency
And good intent.

No one calls him
or cares to listen
They just drop coins
In his only can of connection

How did he get here?
We don't know.
One step at a time, (I suppose)
He was overthrown.
But it's clear, nothing's clear
when our eyes are closed.

Jesus, you break hearts
To free them,
You give to the poor
To do the same.
You destroy our lifestyles and our systems,
To restore temples and call us a new name.

Every person, small and great
Will someday meet at Jesus' feet.
Everyone poor or rich,
Will come to know the Savior
Is

Jesus, you break hearts
To free them,
You give to the poor
To do the same.
You destroy our lifestyles and our systems,
To restore temples and call us a new name.

Maybe someday
Poverty won't have it's way,
Every hunger chasm filled
In Jesus name.
Maybe soon eyes will open
To more than a nameless man
and a collecting can.

Up the Mosel

2011-07-22T20:06:00.002+02:00

Up the creek, river, whatever. That's where we tried to find ourselves yesterday. It takes real gusto for parents of small children to take day trips, and though I live in Germany and I'm American, I don't go for the site seeing all the time. I just want to get away, get out of the house, admittedly things are simpler with the young ones strapped to their carseats....yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

We went camping on the Mosel two years ago with Keane. There is nothing relaxed about that boy. John threatened to leave after the first night, but I convinced him to stick it out. We re-established some boundaries and sanity was gained. Keane just needed his schedule kept.

John has taken a few days off, so yesterday we drove 2 hours for Flammkuchen, seriously, and it was worth it, plus it was on the water, and I needed my large body of water fix. We strolled up the river and pretended to fish with Keane, until it was getting close to nap time and Keane lost it. Then it was time to leave...and drive 2 hours back.

We're Still Having Fun.....

2011-07-20T15:33:00.002+02:00

I guess we're still on the "new car" high. I've been able to go anywhere I can take kids, so long as

1) I have snacks available
2) Diapers are changed or potty times are up to speed (no pun intended)
3) The drive is over by naptime (for the bigger one)
4)...well, you know the drill.

Last weekend we went to Schwarzach (I believe is the name). A nice little zoo/park place. Lots of animals, food to feed them, a train ride, and a large playground. Woo hoot! We went with some neighbors.

I had a little too much fun today. Every once in awhile (a great while) my inner artist wants to escape, sometimes, it's not so bad, sometimes I wish I had left the paints in the box and my paintbrushes clean. I'm undecided after today, but I better clean up this mess (I'm in the middle of drilling holes in the wall to put up a coat rack) before John freaks!

The fun is almost done. John returns the car today. Oh well, it's still MY car. :)

Lemonade (some thoughts on grace)

2011-07-16T22:07:00.001+02:00

No answers to my question marks
and a sea too deep to swim
not a sound in my ear when a comforting song chimes in
the lemons never made lemonade
I can hardly try again
I just want my 25 cents worth of insight to
Your plan

There is sun, on the other side of the shade
I know the path that You are leading me on is straight
The stars always shine brightest in the darkest sky
You are wanting to use me in this place
All I need to ask for now, is grace.

The cloud of witnesses comfort and convict
seems I'm running now without the effort I possess
my strength long gone,
You still sing the song already sung
No one can change Your plan
So blessed to be part of winning
My heart is undone

the grace displayed, wasn't mine for the taking
it was for You to give it to me
and I partake
This grace, the whole of my soul can't wrap around it
But it is found in it,
Oh Your grace.
an endless flow of purpose,love, and meaning
an undertow of strength for the day
all I ask for now and need, is grace.

New Van

2011-07-15T23:33:00.000+02:00

We just got a van! I just informed John, actually, that it is, in fact, my van and I LET him drive it. We've had two cars this week because we haven't turned in the Saab. So nice to not have to worry about sharing. I have been selfish and loving it, finding any lame excuse to go on an errand. Keane has been spoiled rotten. When we're buying squeaking dolphins to attach to his bike because we can, we are desperate for amusement.

Usually I take the car two days of the week, which is fine, there are chores to be done, you know, around this house, from what I hear. It's apparent to me this place has been neglected, but next week I'm returning from fur low. What am I going to do??? I suppose I can no longer blast Third Day into the neighbor's ears as I'm unpacking various dolphins, cleaning out capri sun containers, and dusting off brezle crumbs.. I can do these things because I have the annoying American license. Have you heard of it? Just walk around with white tennis shoes, a hoodie, a camera, and say "alfeederzean" and it's yours for a life time. You are guaranteed love, i.e. icy stares.

Had a great time reading Acts today in our small group. God is always doing something in the life of a believer. This is a group not affiliated with our church (not enemies or anything), just a group John knows from work. They are mostly Indian. Tonight I died laughing as I listened to our friend talk about eating off of banana leaves....er TRYING to eat soup off of banana leaves. Makes me look forward to going to India in November even more.

4th of July????

2011-07-08T15:20:00.005+02:00

Where'd it go? It passed without nary a picture. Shoot! (no pun intended). Per usual we had our annual Pancake Breakfast that falls usually around the 4th. It's a way that I celebrate, because John never gets the day off over here for some strange reason. I suppose it's because we live Germany and not the U.S. of A.

So, Saturday was the breakfast. Good times. A couple families from our new church attended + some old friends. They came bearing gifts. Someone makes some rockin' strawberry jam. It was so much of a inspiration that Keane and I went strawberry picking the next day after church. I got a few pictures of him snacking on some, but that is pretty much it. Bummer, because that was Zeke's first pancake shin dig.

Monday (the 4th) my neighbors that live behind us came over for dessert and what I thought were fireworks, but turned out to be exploding confetti....good for a laugh. Jim is from the States (Texas, actually). He told us all about his upbringing, and how he can trace his roots back to the Trail of Tears (he's part Cherokee). What else? Oh, also, he and his wife brought some Heath Bar Ice Cream. Yes, please.

There's Keane in the neighbor's pool. Stephan came out just in time. Keane was driving me crazy. They had a little water fight and then pretty soon, Keane was in the pool. The video is of Zeke getting "a leg up". "Come on, buddy!"

So it was a rip roaring weekend, to say the least. Today, Lord willing, we get our new mini-van. I scratched the Saab this morning pulling out of a parking place, awesome, we'll see how John likes that. I'm pretty sure he won't.

Temple Restored. Once again, you can buy "Wait on Him" on iTunes, or the German iTunes, here. All proceeds go to the next project, which right now, is Temple Restored. My friend Gernot (pianist) asked me on Saturday what my purpose was. Which, though I probably looked like a "deer in headlights", was a relief when I came to. At least I know that I don't have to remind him that it's about the Lord and committing to orphans in need, in India. It's a commitment to put our "talents" into God's hands, which might mean not being used on this project the way we think we should be used, and offer ourselves to further His kingdom, either by building up the church, which would be the music side of it, or supporting orphans in India, the money side. Pray with us.

Wait On Him

2011-06-30T13:27:00.002+02:00

Wait On Him was the echo of my life 10 years ago, and I'm still doing it, with great dividends. Oh, I've run ahead a few too many times, and have greatly regretted it. One quick example was the time I got Lyme's Disease the summer I decided to depend on myself and not the Lord for the monies to return to school. I decided to get a REAL job instead of working at camp. Say, "it's just a fluke," but the numbers do not add up that way considering I spent most of the time running around outside with kids and not getting nary a bite from those testy ticks. The one day, during the summer "I took a break", that I sun bathed, I came down with the horrible disease. Do the math. I wouldn't say it was God's judgement, I would say it was His absence of blessing. Not doing what I know I should have been doing. Don't get sleepless on me, this doesn't apply to everyone's life. We got it taken care of, it was so bad, though, that my mom diagnosed it over the phone. "Get antibiotics now," she said. She's a blessing.

Anyways, now that I've worried the living daylights out of some of you, I'll change the subject. My first recording is available to buy on iTunes. All of the proceeds will go to the next two projects, and THEN after all the bills have been paid, those proceeds will go to India.

Thank you for your support.

The Ones Who Haven't Yet

2011-06-23T22:17:00.001+02:00

Will I let myself go for this cause
I better hope I do.
It's plain as day
Slavery is different from Free
But the Lord is the Maker of me and you.

There'll be no accolades for failing
A raging sea won't dance to mere mortal song
Deaf ears who refuse to hear the cries for help,
Soon won't hear anything at all.

Please, God please
Deliver us
Show us reprieve
Free us from wandering minds and empty hands
Please, God please
Come near to us
Change us
Help the ones who have give to the ones, who haven't yet.

Sovereignty, the stop sign, the lame excuse
My crimson blood gets colder
A warning sign my life is build on busy emptiness
Does anyone one else see something we missed?

Something has got to give
This forcing of our hand to build castles of sand
We speak "be ye filled," but our words are failing...

Please pray for us as we are making life changing decisions...

To Whom it may Concern,

2011-06-21T15:07:00.003+02:00

My name is Sara Varghese. You don't know me, maybe. For that matter, I might not know you. I'm writing in regards to a project I am working on, wondering if you would like to help by sponsoring it, or contributing to it.

The project started as a Children's Book, and then I put it on the shelf for awhile, and now I'm wondering if the wait was because God wants "me" to make a CD/Book. I know that this all sounds very fishy, but I have seen God open doors that were, before, shut, so all I can do is walk forward. Here is the link to the document, unedited. I have started to come up with some tunes for some of the verses. If you would like to hear songs from the first CD I recorded, let me know, though I would put this in another genre completely.

The over all vision is to put together a book that builds children up with the concrete, Biblical attributes of God. The One worthy of knowing, and relying upon. This, to my mind, is foundational. Ultimately, we (my husband and I) would like most of the proceeds to go to "Love Home" in India. Our friend Mohan and his wife are hoping to start a home for special needs children and a camp. You might not know that 40% of the world's poor live in India, lots of children do not make it to age 5 (stats from David Platt's book, Radical), unwanted children are often buried alive, and we have heard of a market that actually sells babies. You can probably imagine special needs children are not a high priority in a climate like that. All of that to say, our heart is for India. We hope this project can serve a two-fold purpose; build up children, and help "Love Home".

I have excellent artists in mind for the book from my home church, a guitarist, extra vocalists, myself, and a recording studio that has shown it's support here in Germany, though they are not faith based, but I'm afraid that is it. Just the CD project will cost around 7,000 Euro. I know nothing about publishing books, so I don't have a quote for that. Maybe you have advise? Help doesn't have to come in finance form. We could also use some writers for an idea I have of a short dialogue between a "Youth Pastor" figure and kids (boy/girl) defining the attributes of God on a kid level in between the songs and verses.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Sincerely,

Sara

Zeke at 6 months

2011-06-18T22:28:00.000+02:00

I think he's pretty adorable....praise the Lord for his smiles, giggles. His smile will take your breath away.

Stops and Starts

2011-06-12T21:31:00.000+02:00

...this is about choices. Start verses, wait. Go ahead, er... "go ahead and STOP." (Sounds like something I would say to my 3 year old.)

I talked to the studio manager's wife the other day. She is very friendly and talks to me rather well in English. I went by to pick up the first CD I recorded. I let them borrow it. It's the last copy that I have. Will it be the last?

Improve it, verses, leave it alone. One thing at a time, verses, "Yes, WE CAN!"

She was talking about prices and how they are willing to meet me pretty much anywhere, just so that I'll start. She was looking at the door and mentioned something about getting a label....

Finish the dream, verses, give up. Leap of faith or fall on my face.

I look at this opportunity verses my ability and I'm already sunk. No money, no band, very little theory under my belt, limited guitar skills, just lyrics, tunes and a desire to share. Oh, and no babysitter. Keane is not going to go for the "now be quiet, Mama is going to sing...", "What? Without me? Not a chance."

Two projects. ABCs of God (for children) and Temple Restored

Can't be done without some of your contributions musically, financially or by prayer.

Stuttgart

2011-06-04T21:21:00.001+02:00

=FUN!
John let me go to a worship seminar....I say "let" because what else is it when your other half relents and agrees to watch the tornado with legs for almost a full day? So, anyway, I wasn't completely free with my 6 mo. old, but what I did glean between feedings and crankies from the Paul Baroche and band worship seminar was great. I haven't been to a seminar or conference in eons. This was a direct answer to prayer. Here's how...

My worship leading is limited. My background is hymnals or bust, and absolutely steer clear of an essence of a beat, and yes, I've been told that NO emotion in worship is called for. REally?

I helped with camp worship once, and I once led music for a PWOC group. That was the first time I had ever done anything like that. Not even sure how I swung that job. That job quickly ended when Keane invaded the house and my favorite bible study leader moved (that's another story that I'm sure is a toe stomper, so I'll leave it there). Later, I was part of a church worship team, but it seems I don't like to do things conventionally, and I sing really low. Furthermore, I was lost when it came to pulling instruments together and using my resources. I lean more toward dividing than unifying, by habit, remember my background?

Anyway, I am the least likely candidate to lead worship, but recently I was asked AGAIN to do it for a small bible study. Despite my feelings that perhaps there is a deafening virus going around I'm encouraged by others quite often, so, I thought maybe I should be better equipped. I looked for conventions in the States but the obstacles were too many. Money was only ONE issue. This conference, long story, longer, was such a blessing. A good price, and good amount of time (maintaining John's sanity is key), a wealth of knowledge from guys that know what they are doing. AMEN!

The first day John and I took the kids to a large zoo/gardens place. BeaUTIFUL! John took Keane to the park today (earlier today). We're home now.

sitting???!!! I wasn't there to see this.

Funny short story. Keane saw another kid posing for a pic, pulled me aside and in his baby jargon told me I needed to take a picture of him. It was cute. That had never happened before, as vain as he is.

Real pink flamingos, but the funny thing, they look plastic......???

This pic gives me an idea.....

Beautiful gardens.

Keane I made elephant noises to the elephants, plugging our noses and extending our arms....in front of a lot of people that we will hopefully never see again.

Temple Restored

2011-05-31T13:51:00.001+02:00

Some things have actually been happening around here, and I've been forgetting to write about it.

Things we are grateful to God (our Provider) for-

1) Zeke got his harness off and turned 6 months old on the 23rd. Cute as ever. 6 month pics next week.
2) Keane is going pretty consistently on the toilet when I let him run around in the buff. Yeah!
3) I had been wanting to go to a worship seminar to get better equipped. Long list of impossible obstacles, but found out that a one day seminar is coming to Stuttgart, led by this guy, this weekend! I think John can handle that.
4) The yard is almost complete, as far as moving the dirt, but that's still a prayer request. I did get to install a few pieces of foliage.

5) Considering raising the funds for a CD project. Talked to a studio manager in the area (nice guy). He gave me a great deal, but I still don't have it....praying. This is suppose to eventually raise money for Love Home. Two birds with one stone project. So the project is called Temple Restored. It's suppose to outline the Lord's prayer, starting with praise, then petition, some challenges, and ending with reflection. Maybe I'll write my own version of the Lord's Prayer....maybe not.

Truly Restored

Alive, anew

the old man is gone

Nothing left but You

The grave which beckoned me

lies shallow and empty

And all that calls me now

Is eternal glory.

Pardoned by a Son

Who was sent to die

my shame lifted from my shoulders

and laid waste at victory's side

A servant, a Savior

gone only to return

and with His Resurrection

share with me His glory.

Mother's Day

2011-05-09T22:03:00.000+02:00

I was greeted by a wonderful bouquet of roses when I woke up Sunday morning along with a card from my boys. We had Chinese food. I got a great nap and we finished the day with Strawberry Shortcake.

10 Reasons to be a Mom

1) Future investment
2) Personal challenge
3) Endless Happenings
4) New Definitions of Love
5) Patience tried, endurance found
6) Insanity confirmed with every antic
7) Deeper understanding of Father God
8) Deeper understanding of the love of His Only Son
9) Renewed sense of purpose and fulfillment daily
10) wet kisses, chubby legs, chubby cheeks, wuv yoos, little feet, excited eyes, new experiences, big hugs, big smiles, gooey faces, rides in the car, animal sounds, on and on and...

Keane at 4 months Zeke at 5 months

Easter in Belgium

2011-04-25T14:04:00.002+02:00

To say we had a blast this last weekend is a understatement. It was great. We just had loads of fun, food, and fellowship, something we have been missing for a long time. Not the food. We haven't been missing food, but man!, Lori can cook!

These pics are a little out of order. I'll just tell you what happened. Thursday we drove up to Belgium to visit our friends the Santimaws. John was afraid that there would be traffic, but praise the Lord, there wasn't, either way. Friday we went to the coast (what a waste of time). No more about that. I'm just sorry I dragged Lori and boys up there to get my ocean fix. On the way back we stopped in Brugge and wished we had more time. There were carnival rides, a puppeteer, boats we could have gone on :( and tons of chocolate. Keane is fearless when it comes to carnival rides. He didn't like being the passenger in the bumper cars too much, though. I let the pics speak for themselves.

Saturday we chillaxed, or at least I did. I finally got to see "Tangled". Uhhh, it's ok. We went shopping and I was able to find something perfect for Zeke and myself. I didn't even know which shirt John had brought for Sunday (no, I do not pack for him- I don't understand that sort of thing at all), but the Lord worked it out, color wise (ref. pics).

I love Easter (I love every holiday), but the ones that exalt Christ, I'm particularly fond of, because well, I know Him, and you should too. We tried to focus on Christ, even in our Easter egg hunting, because He is worthy to focus on. So, I hope that you had a great Easter (Resurrection Day). Praise the God that Is, Was, and Will Be.

"the tomb is empty!"

water fight!

Brugge

the sink was perfect!

Best Friends/Enemies Good times! was amazing to watch them fight over things they weren't paying attention too seconds before. Boo! Sin nature at it's "best".

lovin' his motorcycle ride.

Spring...keep it springing.

2011-04-11T15:35:00.000+02:00

Well, the scaffolding finally came down. Whew! The rest of the doors were put in today. Little does Keane know, but he has a little cleaning to do in the bathroom that has not been usable. He likes soapy water anyway. The weather has been awesome. It's still awesome today, but unfortunately my house looks like I've M.I.A for awhile. It's house cleaning day, not play day.

Friday, I took the boys to the covered bridge in Ketsch. Great place. Saturday we had more fun with a lot of people that need the Lord, on the Nekkar Visa. A place where couples come and display their love for the world to see on their towels. Keane just stood there and starred at one couple. Of course, they wouldn't take a hint, I just said, "stop starring Keane, movin' along." Do I worry about corrupting my son? Well, he came out of the womb a dirty rotten sinner in need of a Savior, so, no. I worry about not giving enough glory to my God and sharing all about our wonderful Savior as much as I can....that's what I worry about. Don't think I don't fight the urge to hide Keane away, but what's that going to do? He will never be "good" enough to approach God. It's God who starts the work and God who finishes the work...otherwise kids without protective parents would never have hope. On the other hand, we do not mess with sin, or invite it to come along with us. We left it on the beach.

Family Easter picture. Got to the point where we just had to do it.

Hanging out under the covered bridge.

Do You Ever Feel....

2011-04-02T14:30:00.000+02:00

like you want to freeze a moment? Hold up a "stop sign" and hope the whole world heeds it? Today is John's 41st birthday. Right now the poor naked man is buying clothes for himself. He needs time and space. I got left with the kids...what's new? At first I wasn't so thrilled to, after a whole week with them, spend my whole Saturday alone with them also, but I would have missed a lot.

It's a beautiful day here in Germany, I've learned to keep those in a jar. There are only so many of them that go by. Secondly, I watched my three year old "play" with his neighbor buddy. I don't know, something about the transition from residing under your skirt to running around the cul-de-sac, or scooting around on a bike, that makes your heart say "wait!, see my stop sign!" Sentimentality really hit me, when Keane went downstairs to get his baseball hat, the same hat that hasn't made an appearance in eons. He knew where it was?!!! When did this kid get his wits together?

I'm sure I have more of those moments coming. Not sure I'm ready, but I don't want to miss them. John, shop 'til you drop pal, leave me with the sun and the kids.

5th Anniversary

2011-03-22T15:17:00.002+01:00

We had our 5th anniversary on the 18th. This is the video we played at the reception. Sorry about the sound quality...

Wwww...What's happenin' dude?

2011-03-15T12:48:00.000+01:00

The title would be from Keane's Leap Frog video.

The Santimaws came last week. What a fun time! It was refreshing to have fellowship with other believers, sit around and talk, and watch our boys play. Well, my boy, Zeke is a little young.
I also moved my office around a bit to make room for future guests.

Lovin' on his little brother. Jealousy issues are getting a bit better.

Zeke Update

2011-03-05T21:33:00.000+01:00

So, we went to see the Dr. yesterday about Zeke's hip, bone, whatever. Anyway, I learned a little more about the situation. That's what you get when you bring your German speaking husband. Apparently his femur needs to be at a 60 degree angle. It was at 53 for starters. Now it's at 58! 5 degrees ain't too shabby. Two more degrees to go. Pray for us.

The house is moving along....

2011-02-25T14:00:00.000+01:00

I think "This is the House Jack Built" is on replay somewhere. If you hear it, turn it off. We are closing in on the finish line! The solar panels have exited the building, the siding has been put on the outside, causing our heaters a sigh of relief. We still have doors to install and the electrician needs to make an appearance. One bathroom is invalid due to the lack of a door and proper lighting, which will make my visitors next month and us step up our relationship to a bit more intimate level, but I am at least hopeful that all the pieces of this jigsaw puzzle will be in place by Christmas. Woah, I am NOT, repeat, NOT talking about the great outdoors. Our yard is a different story altogether. I'm considering AstroTurf for the whole sha-bang. Maybe we can start a soccer league.

3 months on Wednesday

2011-02-21T17:42:00.000+01:00

Ezekiel is a happy baby, ready with a smile for everyone. He likes to keep his eye on the milk supply, however. He constantly watches me. He is definitely a Mama's boy. My cuddler. He is sleeping, on average now, 6 hours a night. Yeah!

As far as Keane's response to him, it was rough at first, but he has warmed up to him a bit. The other day he actually held Zeke's hand and "tickled" him. It was precious to see them smile at each other. Sorry about the short posts, but life is busy.

Zeke's 8 Weeks of Fun!

2011-02-09T18:27:00.001+01:00

We found out Monday that Zeke has Hip Displacia (spell checker doesn't like that one).

The good news is that Zeke is taking it better than we are. The bad news is that Zeke has to be strapped in a harness that keeps him at sitting position. So glad he will not remember this. Keep us in your prayers. We are counting down the days.

As Late

2011-02-05T10:21:00.001+01:00

Jeans outfit from John's brother and sister in-law.

Keane headed to his first birthday party on the block. We have some really great neighbors.

I haven't had much to write about. Oh, a funny story here and there about poop etc., but nothing ground breaking. I read a good article about how Facebook could sadden us by reading all the great things going on in everybody's life and comparing it to our own "mundane life", snip-its really, not reality. Well, we're keeping it real here, I hope. Nada!

I'm finding the grace it takes to make it through one day at a time and be happy about it, content. I'm being challenged to get to know my son. If I didn't have a gracious Lord to call on and ask to redeem and restore, I would be hopeless. The battle is won, I just struggle to apply it. I had forgotten what it meant to pour myself into someone. I need to pour into them as I would a camper at camp. I just didn't connect the dots and I find myself still trying to escape once in awhile, too much time on the internet, etc. It's crazy but I'm discovering that I have more time to do what it is I want to do, like song writing, when I make it a point to turn off the computer or T.V. (which we have now), even with the boys demanding so much attention.

We are visiting a local German church. Independent, believer's baptism, personal responsibility, works-less salvation, all those good things. They even have the service available to view on the T.V. in the nursery. We have gotten two invitations for cake and coffee. We are still praying about all this and the Lord's direction for our lives. Pray with us. I hope to conjure up a way to raise money for Mohan. Maybe a concert at home that onlookers can view through Skype or something. Any musicians in the Heidelberg area who are interested in participating should contact me. No matter what your level of expertise, we'll find a place for you. Nothing is concrete right now, heck, we don't even have some doors in our house yet.

My Baby is Three

2011-01-31T16:55:00.000+01:00

baby brother for good measure

my favorite

Jesus Loves Me this I Know

2011-01-25T15:51:00.000+01:00

Keane turns Three

2011-01-16T14:30:00.000+01:00

...and that rhymes. These are not in order, for the record. Here is Zeke chillin' at the party.

And coolest name of the day goes to Finn.

Jump Jump! Thank you Kris Kross.

Good times had with the ladies. The one on the right is a new neighbor, Muru- very cool (Finn's mom). The one of the left is Jutta my neighbor at the old place. Our kids have birthdays really close together.

Keane checking out the goods. "Happy Kids" gave us gummy alligators, and Keane kept lifting them off of other plates until he went over to another birthday table and his mom had to end the practice.

His new Lego set. I'll just say that I was very happy to find something on sale. Full price around here will kill you.

Morning kisses

Hey baby cakes!

Making a House a Home

2011-01-08T15:05:00.001+01:00

Not so happy.

Nap time!

Guest Room/ Zeke's Room

Our Room

All of my shoes fit!

John's Office

the couch is going soon...I promise, the wall matches the pillows on the chair.

yeah! no more Barbie fridge.

Keane washing his toys. This is a regular thing, actually.

End of the Year Letter

2011-01-05T20:53:00.002+01:00

Go here.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-26T19:36:00.000+01:00

Missed a few people. Namely John's family and my brother (sort of namely).

Where's the Evidence?

2010-12-17T12:33:00.002+01:00

Once again I get fodder from a ridiculous parenting site article. I think that's probably why I still follow them, because it isn't to get helpful information, apparently. What did I "learn"? Matt Damon doesn't spank his kids.

I'm so tired of Christian parents, like myself, getting labelled "backward" for simply following through with their expectations of their kids, simply adhering to scripture. No, no, this article does not say that Christian parents who spank are bad, but it's not supportive. What makes this article more assanying is that there is no description of the kids. Are they kind? Respectful? Thoughtful? or self absorbed, bratty, and disrespectful? I've heard tell of plenty of Hollywood brats to not be the least inquisitive of how their parents raised them.

Maybe I'm just insane. All I need to know, darnit, as a media brain washed mom, is that Matt Damon doesn't spank, therefore I shouldn't? I need not know more. I can't help asking, though, how often does he even see his kids? Because I'm with my, very strong willed little boy practically 24/7 (the one that is screaming at the T.V. in delight right now, watching a Christmas program). Our lives would be hell if we didn't enforce our "no".

Why? Simple logic really. Without a fish bowl, a fish would be on the floor, without a fence, a cow would be roaming in the neighbor's yard, without a leash, a dog would take off, never to be seen again. If you don't like those affiliations, without pruning a fruit tree would not produce more fruit. My premise is derived from the obvious order we see around us, that kids need boundaries. My premise is also founded on the fact that our world was created by an orderly God, not a product of chance and randomness, therefore, in order to honor Him, our lives need to be conducted in an orderly fashion (of course for different people, this is applied in a different way).

Imagine you were hired for a job. You went to work the first day and no one explained to you what was expected of you. You attempted to do things not knowing if you were on the right track or not. You had no idea if what you were doing was productive because no one communicated and enforced their expectations. How frustrating. Yet the vast majority of children are born and straight out of the womb they are put in charge. Parents think they are "loving" their child by not enforcing any expectations based in the premise, too often, that children are innately good (scripture teaches the opposite). What they are really doing is frustrating them. Every kid throws a fit, but a lifestyle of it?

Why the "enforcing?" It's like this. You can explain all day to a cow that there's a fence between these two trees, but if the fence isn't there, guess what? You will be standing there day in and day out trying to keep that cow from going over the line. Back when I was a kid, parents were still spanking. I watched my friend get his butt dusted for going in the spa (we were little). That's not a method of public display that our home uses, but obviously his mom didn't want to pull her drowned son out of the pool, nor did she want to stand around the pool all day pleading with her son not to go in and drown.

This is what parents are doing. They've been told spanking is bad, therefore the fence is taken out of the picture, so to keep their child within the boundary, they are forced to stand guard to the exclusion of all things productive during their day. My friend's mom would have had to abandon her duties and stood guard around the spa or lock him in his room. Most parents can't handle that, so kids get shuttled off to daycare or whatever else when they should be taken care of by their parents, in a loving environment.

What about the kid? What do they do? Is a kid truly happy doing exactly what it is they want to do all day? I would submit that the worse problem than "abuse" (we'll get to that) is neglect. All children are different, but there is one thing they have in common, sin nature. Left to their own devices, they are unhappy. Seriously, are productive, successful people usually the ones that commit suicide? Does it take discipline to go to work everyday, or school? Does is take some sort of sensitivity to open the door for someone else, or wait in line? How about the deeper things missing in our world today like patience, love, forgiveness, compassion, kindness. I'm telling you right now that kindness toward his brother is not happening naturally for Keane. We have to learn these things.

When my son hears "no", it means nothing until it's enforced. Otherwise, he'll spend the day doing, or trying to do what it was he has been told not to do. Have you ever heard a parent give a command and the child do exactly what it was they were told not to do without so much as blinking? Obviously, in that case, he has learned that "no" is just another word, and parents can be ignored. That's when I want to say, "are you a parent or not?" Relinquish the right, if you are not going to train your child, because what you are actually teaching him, is to live for himself. We don't need more selfish people in the world. We just don't. That's the only thing I'm saying.

Here's my disclaimer. If you don't know the kind, loving, longsuffering God that I know, don't spank your kid. He keeps John and I accountable. I struggle with my agenda getting in the way, so I can't imagine what a godless person would do to discipline their kid. Discipline isn't about us, as parents. It isn't about my anger getting a vent or my "bad day" materialising. That's abuse. Discipline is about my son (will be sons). I want him to grow in godliness. I want him to not have a hard heart toward his Creator. I don't want him to be chained to his own ways and depressed because he can't escape himself. I want him to be free to love and to serve others.

Compassion with a Purpose

2010-12-14T12:23:00.001+01:00

"Around the horn and back again"....do you know what that refers to? Well, I don't know that anyone ever used that phrase, but "horn" refers to either the bottom of South America or Africa or both...not sure.

Once upon a time explorers were trying all they could to find a fast route to India, thanks to Marco Polo (who knew he was more than a game you played in a pool?). It was discovered that India was a land filled with natural resources the rest of the world envied and would die for, literally. Sugar, spice and everything nice. All that to say, I love India. When we visit, I feel at home, and Lord willing, I will live there, or maybe be able to do short term missions trips with my sons. They have to get older and I have to...wait on the Lord.

As I've been trying to find a way around the horn, that is to bear fruit, which isn't always "doing things," I'm discovering that just because it may be a good idea and it seems to be something that would lift up the body of believers, it may not be what God wants me to do. This is actually quite a revelation, because I'm from the school of "do it all", ask questions later.

Do whatever it takes to serve, even if it's outside of what God would have you do, even if it causes you to neglect your family, even if it has nothing to do with your spiritual gifts, even if you're so tired and stretched that you've forgotten why it is you're doing what you're doing. As I read in scripture, I'm noticing that those saints had specific purposes and goals and met them, indeed, to the exclusion of other great ideas. So the conflict arises. Do I do what I feel I should do, or do what I've been led to do? Is it the same?

The thing is, we should be willing. Willing to do anything. Willing to scrub toilets, willing to work in the nursery, willing to teach Sunday school to 7 year olds, willing to go to Africa, willing to go to Iran (scary), willing, but that doesn't mean we do it all. It's not possible to do a good job at everything. I don't think I find in scripture that God wants us to hit the "do" button and forget it. He wants us to grow in whatever it is we do. Remember, He doesn't NEED us, so why act like He does?

Why not do specifically what He wants us to do and grow while doing it? Who cares what people think....as long as we are WILLING. I think us "doers" out there are afraid of what people will think if we say "I don't think the Lord would have me do that right now, but I'll pray about it." We don't want to be thought of as selfish, but that's pride. It's so easy to be one extreme or the other, a break waves "doer", or a do nothing(er). It's hardest to be in the middle.

Compassion. Well, I've got the 'Passion' part down, just not the 'com', that is, companion, co-heir, comrade. God is working in me specifics. I came to Germany the same as I was in the States. If things had been the same here I would have involved myself in all ministries possible and failed to do what it was God wanted me to do. My kids would have gotten the short end of the proverbial stick, that's for sure, and I shutter to think what I would have produced as dinner at the end of the day....but there is more. God has a plan for me, because I have a desire unquenchable to be used for His kingdom. Things have been quiet on the home front, and I've felt forgotten from time to time. I've felt the only thing I was good for was changing diapers and throwing together a meatloaf, but I know there is more. "Wait on the Lord...." I've been waiting.

How have I been waiting? This is important. Have I been waiting with a white flag waving over my head, or have I been waiting in a ready position. I've been tempted to wave the flag, believe you me. There's only so much rejection, in one's own strength, that I can take. Ministries have flopped over and over, churches have come and gone, language barriers have not changed it seems, and loneliness has been slowly penetrating my resolve press on. More tears have been wept than my whole previous life put together and by God's grace I'm still waiting.

I wait with prayer. There is no other way. I pray for ministries I'd like to be involved in. I love kids. I pray for kids (will soon be up and running again). I pray through songs that I write, I pray nothing will go to my head (not much to worry about as yet). I pray for our resting place, where we finally decide to join fellowship. I pray for the strength to be faithful in the seemingly mundane tasks I have now, and I pray for this ministry. I can not support them financially right now, or sponsor a kid, but I can pray. I can pray that you might be able to support them in this way.

If you have the opportunity to serve, prayerfully do it. Take it from someone who is waiting....don't miss your opportunity.

Santa Claus?

2010-12-09T19:50:00.001+01:00

I read this article the other day...supposedly witty and straight forward. The kind of article you would be an "idiot" to disagree with. I'm sure you've all read those kinds of articles.

Anyway, this one was about Santa Claus. The author made the gross assumption that those that don't indoctrinate their children with Santa Claus fables are Santa haters! How can I hate someone I've never met? Have you met him? What's he like? From what I've heard, I have made a few assertions. You'll excuse me if they are unfounded.

This mother seemed to know all about him. She made a case for involving him in her family's life for every reason from jubilation to discipline around the holiday season. She explained in detail that her daughters were completely sold on the overweight "do gooder" and that she unashamedly used St. Nick to discipline the girls by pretending to make phone calls to him if they acted up. Well, good for her? Why so intolerant of those that don't practice this? She explained that kids who were not on the Santa Claus band wagon and advocated as such (to her credit) would not be invited to her house around the holidays. They would ruin it for her girls, I guess. So sad.

Let's examine what those evil children, probably mine someday, would be ruining if they opened their mouth to question Santa Claus. Here's my summation in 5 points.

1) Santa Claus doesn't exist. Everything that is said about him is made up, meaning he is at the mercy of whoever represents him. So how does one ruin something or damage something that changes? You can misrepresent truth, but I'm sorry, untruth doesn't get the privilege of correcting others, but it does too often.

2) Santa Claus feeds selfishness and consumerism. Does anyone (kids mainly, I hope) write Santa Claus letters for someone else? Do kids sit on Santa's lap at the mall and request gifts for their neighbors? Do the starving kids in Africa get food requests? If so, which would surprise me, does Santa deliver? This leads me to my third point.

3) There is a vast population (the most needy) that Santa, apparently has forgotten about. The homeless in India, the starving in Africa, the abandoned in China. More than likely these kids have never heard of Santa, and if they have, he probably seems a little aloof, maybe out of touch, probably (gasp) a joke. Seems to me, Santa is only interested in the middle and upper classes, which would make me less interested in him and a less honorable specimen to inform my children about.

4) Jesus is the reason for the season, make no mistake. There's a clear enough book written about Him, the one who deserves the capital letter. No book about Santa was written by 40 different authors over multiple thousands of years. No book that I'm aware of anyway. If Jesus did indeed come to seek and to save that which was lost, I think I'd better use my time with my focus in that direction.

5) We are responsible to make the season brighter for others in our world, not the jelly filled roll of a white haired north pole dweller. So, please don't lay the burden on ol' Nicholas, because from what I gather, he can't handle the responsibility, and if I was imaginary, I wouldn't want it.

Santa is imaginary, a game. Like "Sorry", either you like to play the game or you don't. So, with all due respect mame, though I would never want my sons to rain on the proverbial parade, I would suggest that maybe we find some middle ground and perhaps wear thicker skin.

Zeke's Arrival

2010-11-27T10:52:00.000+01:00

We are happy to announce the safe arrival of our second son, Ezekiel John. He is amazing and we are so grateful for the Lord's care.

Here's the story.

On Zeke's due date, at about 10:30 at night I noticed that the Braxton Hicks contractions that I had been having for weeks, seemed to be rather consistent and keeping me up (doesn't take much). So we sorta timed them and they seemed to be close together. We are no experts, so we took off to the hospital...a bit early.

I was 1 cm dilated. BumMER! Apparently they were just Braxton Hicks contractions. They weren't doing anything significant to open up the uterus. Anyway, John went back home to get some sleep and attendants showed me to my room. Everyone was thinking that it would move along quickly since this was my second child.

John came back early with no real news to discover. I had gotten some rest, but the contractions were consistent. I was busy practicing my breathing, no matter how unpainful they were, because that's how I need to roll. John came and went as needed to work on house stuff and our imminent move. I prayed, through practically every one contraction. Didn't care how silly I looked. This was a stark contrast from last time. I have experienced what it's like to go through labor using my own efforts- not cool.

So, on this went all day. I was monitored and things were slowly (emphasis there) progressing. When I discovered I was only 4.5 cm dilated at 5:00 in the evening I cried. This is where I was losing hope. I took a bath and I noticed the contractions were harder, but I was tired. So, the epidural was administered. I made sure to tell the physician that the typical German half dose in the name of "still feeling the need to push" was not going to work for me and that to "bring it on." John left again, to put Keane to bed because he hadn't seen him all day.

True to Sara's pain tolerance level. I still felt the contractions. I received the epidural at 6:00 and when the pushing contractions came I had no problem identifying them an hour or so later. "I want to push!" John barely made it back in time to see his baby boy delivered.

Your OB Gyn here in Germany doesn't necessarily have to be at your delivery at the hospital. Ours doesn't even work at a hospital. I had requested one Dr. to oversee when Keane was born and I only saw him at the end, with an annoyed look on his face, I might add. This time he showed up for the birth, in a Superman-ish, sort of way. Zeke's head was somewhere other than where it should have been and I was struggling to push him out. In flew the Dr, minus the cape, saw the distress, and took charge. I thought he was going to break my ribs by pressing with both of his forearms on my uterus. He commissioned John to hold my head up, a couple of pushes later through, "I can't do this" sentiments, Zeke was born.

Ezekiel John Varghese

Born November 23, 2010

8:18 pm

8.97 pounds

To Zeke

2010-11-21T19:53:00.000+01:00

Time's up tomorrow!

To Zeke

A flicker of light

Will soon shine bright,

And rest in my arms

By the Lord's care.

Questions will be answered,

Expectations to fruition,

And the way provided,

By the Lord's care.

I'll labor through the pain,

And struggle, but not in vain

To see your beautiful face

In the Lord's care.

When the future is in sight

And I'm overwhelmed with delight,

I'll know where to leave your life,

All in the Lord's care.

For when you start your days,

And begin to find your way,

I can only lead you there,

To the Lord's care.

What is going on with that house?

2010-11-13T07:22:00.000+01:00

You must think we're building a mansion or something. Nothing of the sort. If I have my choice, I'll never do this again. EVER. I'm not one of those people that sits around and dreams of the perfect house. Oh, I have visions of indoor pools and such, but I'll wait for the extravagant until heaven. Why waste my time down here? It's all gonna burn. Now you know my take.

Yesterday we finalized on the rest of the flooring. These sorts of things take minutes for me to decide. I am the dead opposite of John when it comes to shopping. I inherited the fly in, fly out method from my mom. I'm glad that I have a thorough husband, however, who looks at things from every angle. He has caught quite a few things I've "decided" upon in my haste, that would have turned out to be a disaster in fruition. I don't know how many times we changed the kitchen. (The lady who helped us deserves a plate of Christmas cookies, at the very least, and probably a mention in our wills.) However, if it weren't for me, we might still be in the flooring store, and it's the next morning.... See how God works marriages out?

For someone like me, it's really hard to watch John fully absorbed with all of this "house stuff." I tend to get "holier than thou" and entertain thoughts that my husband is worldly minded. I've been proven wrong so many times, as I hear my husband reflect on the prayers that God has answered and the things that He has taught him through all of this. I've seen things that could have developed into huge problems, thwarted because John was listening to the Holy Spirit. Actually, too many to name....if that tells you anything. He truly has been a good steward, showing patience and thoroughness to get the job done right at the lowest cost possible. That is his gift. I better start thanking the Lord for it. When I get my head out of the sand occasionally, I do.

So, here we are. I think I see the end in sight....or is that just a mirage? Regardless, we have to be out of our apartment at the end of this month. Our moving dates are the 27th and 28th, if you're interested in coming and helping. My mom comes today and baby Zeke will arrive at some point. He can't stay in there forever. We might have to stay in an apartment that, of course, John has already lined up, just in case. He takes care of us ungratefuls really well. More pics of the house and tiling coming up.

Santimaws and Fall/Baby Bump Pics

2010-11-04T10:02:00.000+01:00

I met Joe Santimaw through John, and met his wife, Lori, through Facebook! They knew John from years ago when they both attended the same church (Pastor Markham) here in Heidelberg. They are stationed here in Belgium so we were able to get together this past weekend. So refreshing and encouraging.

Keane and Nathan

Keane (with air guitar?) and Aaron

my little 50's Greaser

this is how we celebrated Reformation Day

the Santimaw Family

I'm dressed as a raindrop with a double chin

celebrating life

blurry fall colors

Happy Reformation Day

2010-10-31T08:59:00.002+01:00

There He Stood
By S.E. McGhie
(I wrote it when I was single)

Low notes of wicked sharpness filled
each corner of the emperor's hall.
Satan's power manifested itself as
furry in their eyes to the one they beheld.
Their enactment of supremacy could easily
fill this lowly monk's heart with fear.

But there he stood. The target of untamed lies,
With a small voice that could shatter
the thin facade of deity. Oh how strong a wall
of offense did the enemy appear to uphold;
With the allies of persecution and conformity
Who bowed to the executioner's call.

Thoughts of his Savior must have appeared,
as he faced the future within close reach;
With ninety-five evidences of guilt
to proclaim his conspiracy to reform,
And not a wave of white to signal a hint of defeat.

The battle of validity must have raged in his mind.
His soul clinging to the rock so newly discovered,
All while his flesh crept closer to the edge of denial,
But his heart held to the promise of God's Word.

The Lord who pulls the martyr to the other side,
Also guided the steps of Luther that day,
For just beyond the walls of adversity,

Is the everlasting home of victory.

Carving our Pun-kin

2010-10-27T21:43:00.000+02:00

I watched a Disney Halloween show with Keane on You-Tube (yea, yea, thanks pirates). Anyways, Keane was scarred by the jack-o-lantern (he gets that from his mom). So, I decided that maybe triangles and a toothy grin wasn't the way to go this year. Mickey Mouse! That's a face that he trusts. Hey, if I could have carved his dad's mug on the pumpkin I would of. Not talented enough, though no hair would have been necessary.

all marked up

Keane refusing to pose

marking his own pumpkin- if it involved a marker, he was all over it

Mickey with a hat...

notice that he'll barely sit next to it, poor guy. Hey, this whole illuminated squash thing is pretty new!

Kurbis Festival!

2010-10-18T09:16:00.000+02:00

I didn't know quite what to expect when I read about this place. Wow! It was so exciting for Keane. Other than 2 major tantrums over wanting to be involved in a soccer game, it was fun. Besides, he was tired. He wasn't in the car five minutes on the way home and he fell asleep.

Kitchen Stuff...etc.

2010-10-10T20:26:00.002+02:00

Lots of things have been going on, and nothing at the same time. I'm just
struggling with creativity, maybe, or maybe it's just that I think the everyday stuff is sort of boring to everyone else.

We are six weeks out from the baby coming and the house being finished. Yes, both at the same time. So, since I'm not going to be able to see much other than my stomach looking down in a short while, we've decided to start packing what we can. We have A LOT to do, I'm sure that those of you who have ever moved your whole family can relate, especially my military friends.

My mom is coming out shortly before the baby is due and staying for 4 weeks. She's coming the day after I go, Lord willing, to a Casting Crowns concert. The ticket is already bought. I'm hoping and praying that this kid holds off which leaves whether or not I should be drinking my Raspberry Leaf tea and taking warm baths (98 degrees) up for questioning. I'm praying about labor, that I would take it better than the last time. Pretty much anything will probably be better than last time, though I didn't kill anyone, I did scream "bloody murder". Honestly, I can't remember a time that I felt so far away from God. Does that sound weird? However, after it was done, there was an overwhelming peace. We'll see. At least I know what to expect. It's no cake walk.

The house is on hold right now because the top layer of cement in the house is drying. So, that would be why there have been few pictures taken. We have been working on getting estimates for the wallpapering and the painting. There is usually a layer (not color printed) of wallpaper that goes up before painting. Praise the Lord we found someone that sounds like he isn't going to break the bank, and I can have as many colors as I want! I have 9 picked out.

Here are the kitchen colors or molding (?) that we have picked out. One interesting thing in Germany is that people take their kitchens with them to their new house or apartment. So, maybe that will explain the different style. In the pics above you'll see the wood look and a cream (crema) color. That's the combination that we decided to finally settle on. We went to a company that specializes in kitchens. A small company that we are happy to support.

Another boring, exciting thing that happened was that John bought me a Bosch mixer for my birthday (Oct. 20th). LOVE IT. It's easier now to include Keane a little bit, though it's still a battle to be quicker than he is at grabbing things he doesn't need to be touching.

Baden-Baden

2010-09-28T18:27:00.000+02:00

What a lovely town! Known for it's baths and how it has entertained the upper class of bygone days. Keane and I enjoyed walking the promenade. Sorry I don't have any pics! Except this one.

Ok, so this isn't a picture of Baden Baden, but cute nonetheless, if I do say so myself.

I had another episode with the parking lot "kasse" where you pay for your parking pass. I had to find a bank again and mine was nowhere in sight. By the time that was done it was time for this little tiger, and his mama, to eat.

"Lo' a McDonald's !" much like sighting an angel around here. It's the sort of place that is socially acceptable to take a 2 year old such as mine. Keane entertained the whole packed line of Germans with his balloon that he received from a bank teller (he charms everybody). Up went the balloon, kick, kick, kick, break for a hand shake, back to the balloon.

One thing that he took up while we were there was grabbing random hands of men, literally walking down the lane minding their own business. I watched to see how these men would react. How would you react if a little boy grabbed your hand and trotted down the street with you? I laughed in my language handicapped way, with a shrug of the shoulders to indicate this was new for me when they gave me the inquisitive look. Not sure that I like it so much, as far as safety is concerned, but I was there the whole time, and it gives me another reason to keep my eye on this little guy, and the men, well, I think it brightened their day.

der Schwarzwald

2010-09-16T12:17:00.002+02:00

z cows- we were able to buy milk from them (not the cows)

looking down from our apartment

I had never before seen a rabbit with a beard.

He did great! (Mama was nervous he was going to bail or something) "Lady" did great as well, such a great horse.

Tractor ride!

Cutie

Grub for the cows.

Freiburg highlight....Mexican food. I think my standards have gotten lower, but it was really good!

We even got a little Christmas shopping done at some of the sales. Cutest pair of Tevas for Keane for next summer.

10 Weeks Out

2010-09-06T17:34:00.000+02:00

We found out recently that our house is about 10 weeks from being done. They are going to lay down the final layer of cement, which has to dry for 4 weeks before the kitchen and toilets and tiles can be put in. All this, Lord willing of course. (That statement means more when I reflect that the Lord is sovereign even over "unbelievers"). We have seen God do so much during this building process.

Let me give praise!

1) Money- without it, we would not be building. "He owns the cattle on a 1,000 hills." We are grateful to my parents who helped out a lot.

2) Kind people to work with. John has been around the building project non-stop, and we heard that this can get on the nerves of those that are involved, but they have been informational and kind to John, answering all of his questions, and he has a lot of questions. He has not ever done this before.

3) No major issues and the "things" that would have been major issues, God has brought to John's mind to rectify before it was too late.

4) God has led John every step of the way, in John's words. He has led him through every situation and interaction. We heard that the stress level during the building process would be high, but other being really tired, John's sentiments are that God has carried him through.

We are not done. Please pray for us, but we are so grateful for what we have seen God do so far and are excited to see Him work out the rest.

Big Boy Bed and Cleaning Out

2010-08-25T10:38:00.000+02:00

John inspired me this weekend by cleaning out his tool shelf, to do the same with my fabric and craft supplies. What a bunch of...... From where does this stuff come from?

"Hey! Mom's got the camera! This must be an exciting event!"

Such a ham.

Just one round of "I really mean, stay in your bed and take a nap" implementation, and he got it figured out.

Something random for the folks back home. Don't tell John I let Keane play with his shoes. ;0)

Getting to work this morning changing around his bed. If I had known the "water guys" were coming, I would have been taking a shower instead.

Mostly finished, we just need to pick up a toy shelf from IKEA.

Is He a Boy or What?

2010-08-21T11:50:00.000+02:00

Nunchucks

Sword or Gun, depending on the target.

A new one. Has he gone comic book with an ice blower?

Sorry, but there is a difference between a boy and a girl, besides the physical.

Serving this Weekend

2010-08-08T20:52:00.000+02:00

If there is one thing I want Keane to experience while growing up, it is witnessing his parents doing what they say. Living out their faith. Though I believe we can out serve our faith (run ahead of God), I think it's impossible to say we love God and not seek to reach others with His grace. Of course it's not fleshed out the same way for everyone. The balance is hard.

This weekend we had a Teen Leadership Workshop. I was inspired by my days at Ironwood Christian Camp in CA, and used some of their ideas for discipleship. This is a place that challenged me a lot in spiritual growth, though they probably didn't see much fruit while I was there. I was too busy having fun. The seed was planted, though. The seed was planted.

Anyway, we had some fun times.

No words for this. Definitely did a double take. This is so unGerman. I even made sure he was, in fact, speaking German to make sure.

Love Home Update

2010-08-01T15:35:00.002+02:00

Here is a letter from Mohan. Will you pray with us?